Hello Seattle

I remember this feeling.
Brings me back
To year 11.

I couldn't explain it then
Nor can I now.
It is not exactly comfortable
Yet not painful
But it tugs at my insides
Twisting them up something chronic.
It keeps me awake
Keeps me on edge.

I'm surprised it took me until today
To remember
That I'd known it before

It's strange
Because whilst the feeling may be known
The circumstances are not
And one would assume
That they would go hand in hand
As they did last time.
Apparently not,
Although there is one similarity.
A common factor
Which may or may not
Be distracting
Stealing
Draining
Destroying.

It should not
It is meant to be good
It should be good

Apparently my heartache missed that memo
And has set in for a battle
A screaming match
But who will lose their voice
Before the other?

"Beautiful.
Ugly.
Fuck you.
Fuck you."

This is not productive.
The day is crawling along.
An entire day of freaking out
Minus eight hours of sleeping
Is hardly desirable.
Suck it up
Suck it up.

Everybody wants to be a cat.

It is nearly my birthday
I am not excited.
I am worried.
Nothing is as it seems.
This whole year, in fact
Has been a labyrinth.

Just a few abnormalities
Seemingly unimportant
But strange nonetheless.
For example.
A winter roadtrip was surprisingly warm.
Summer mornings are freezing.
Nobody seems to be making the effort for Christmas.
My birthday is merely the chance to flip the P plates
And I'm tearing myself up over something I already have.

You know what?

Fuck
this.

x