Fiend

You're a liar.
You're a liar.
You're a fucking liar
And I'm going to expose you.


Buckle
Up.


x

NV

A momentary lapse.
Foot hits the floor.
The needle jumps.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Then back,
3, 4, 5.
113.
It could be
That pole
That car
That tree.
What stops it?


Don't
Hurt
The
Car.


x

Snowfairygodmother

Tonight was awesome
This is why I love my friends.
It was easy
I was happy
None of this fake shit
I really was smiling. 
I say that like it's rare
I know it isn't
But it's been more difficult
Of late. 
My room smells
Of a beautiful sweet soap
I can't wait to gift. 
It smells like raspberries
Or something
And if I'm lucky
It might just become 
One of those sort of weird
Things that gives me comfort.


I don't care how many
Gay fish
Are in the sea
I
Want
This
One. 


x

Bang

Brave face
Chin up. 

We'll
Be
Okay

x

(I need a Tumblr for this shit.)

oneoneoneone.

Just a couple of things that made me laugh today. 

One of my favourite things about showering

Is that my arms look really nice and tanned

Compared with the rest of me

Which incidentally is rather white.

Also in the shower

For some reason

I was thinking about how a few years ago

I would picture myself married to certain friends

And wonder if it would ever work.

I remember thinking of Stacey

And it was something like

"Yeah..Stacey.

We could be married.

We both like lasagne.

At least we could eat the same foods."

Yup.

I'm that cool.

Happy

New

Year.

x

195,003

I am not a genius.

As a result,

There are many things in this world that happen

That I do not completely comprehend.

For example.

Why does my Fairmont's handbook suggest 5.5L of oil for an oil change

Yet my Fairmont be satisfied with only 4.5?

Why do I feel sick one day, better the next, but worse the day after

Instead of recovering in a predictable fashion?

Why would one occasionally be a tease

But for the most part appear uninterested?

Why would a best friend

Who merely weeks ago suspected someone of purposely manipulating friendships

Change their perspective and instead side completely with this person?

Who the fuck knows.

Some of life's many mysteries,

Clearly.

So here I sit

Frustrated beyond what I actually tell everyone

Not knowing why I still feel sick

Or why people play hard to get

Or why I'm being fucked over by people who used to care.

I want to play Grand Theft Auto.

Too

dle

oo.

x

P.S.

I would like to point out that I washed dishes at work for far too long today

And as there was basically an entire ecosystem in the sink by the end of it

I nearly spewed a number of times.

It was somewhat of a battle between me, the crockery and the dishwasher.

I won.

Then I went home.

The end.

Onetwo.

I wondered where this went.

I thought I posted it weeks ago

But apparently I did not.

Another day

Another dollar

Such a strain

To make ends meet

To keep afloat

To smile and nod


It goes like this

Day in


Day out

Something old


Something new


Something tried

Something true


There comes a day


We find our feet


But until then

It goes again


Another
day


Another
dollar.

x

Everywhere

Why, oh why
The woodpecker cries

I don't know why he does
And I don't know what possessed me
To begin my post with such a line

I have just written a letter.
For the first time in awhile

Not even typed,
No
It is hand-written.

It amuses me how something as simple as a letter
Can be so entertaining
And exciting.

Especially when you're on the receiving end.
(That's what she said?)

I'm feeling strange, today.
Well, it started yesterday technically
Since it is now 1.22am

And it was caused by a comment
About one having their "share"
Of, well, in this case experiences

And all of a sudden
Thanks to those few innocent words
I felt incomplete
And inadequate.

It caused a re-evaluation of my being
Just a small one
But large enough to bring me down
To a state of dissatisfaction.

I feel left behind.
I feel inferior.
I feel like I've wasted
So much time.
So many chances.

What would it have been like
If I'd known before
What I know now

What would it have been like
If I'd met these people earlier in life

If I'd been born elsewhere.
If I'd been relocated.
If I'd made a past decision
That changed my future
Which is now my present.

Weird.

Oh, this song
Reminds me of GTA:III
And the Lexus
Oh man,
Those were the days.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
"Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down."

I know it is absolutely pointless
But I do sometimes wish
That I could go back.

And instead of sitting here
Wallowing in what was
I should be making the most of today
Am I?
Not really.
I seem to be failing
Even though I know
What I need to do.

Well,
That isn't exactly true.
I know the superordinate concept
I just need to work out
The subordinate details.

Therein lies the hard part.

Why waste my emotion?
It'll end up the same.

Down
To
One
Last
Breath.

x

Canines On The Run

I received news today
That the lovely people at Garden-Planters.com
Featured my blog on their site.

On the same token I would like to dedicate this post to them
And I very much appreciate it
Despite my blog not being garden related
Whatsoever.


<<< http://garden-planters.com/ Garden Fountains >>>

Thank
you
:)

x

One Way

Or another
I'm gonna get ya.

You contradictory bastard.
How dare you
Guilt trip me with your feelings
Then kick me to the kerb.
No,
I don't want to come back
But I'm taking back what's mine.

WHY YOU SHOULD

In trying to begin my latest essay
I find myself asking,
Why do I blog?
The essay is about communications technology,
And after a very strange (and slightly out-loud) thought pattern
I decided to write about blogging.

Basically, the article I am reading talks about reality, and symbols.
It gives the example of a house.
Let me introduce you to Ben and Vanessa.
They are building a house at 123 Fake Street.
They are over at their friend James' house for coffee
James asks to see the house.
Ben pulls out a copy of the blueprints for the house.
Vanessa pulls out her camera to show off some photos of the construction
(and maybe the burly construction workers, if she or James feel so inclined)
Ben is giving a symbol 'for' reality, whilst Vanessa is giving a symbol 'of' reality.
The reason for this, I won't bother explaining.

Whilst contemplating this, I thought about how people construct their own realities.
I thought about how I construct mine.
One of the many ways, is through this blog.
It portrays my reality, at the time of a particular post.
I write in an effort to try to explain how I am feeling.
Despite the fact that barely anyone reads my blog,
I write so that others can and will see my reality.
I write, to be understood.

In effect, my blog is a symbol of my reality. I think I already said that.
(Clearly, today my reality is braindead-ness, but that is another story entirely)

Downsides to this reality I am portraying;
There are a few.
Firstly, most of the time I blog, I'm not in the best of moods
Hence, the majority of my posts will give a fairly dim picture of my reality,
Which isn't completely accurate.
Secondly, because of the insecure nature of the internet
This blog is easily accessible
(simply by typing my name into Google, it comes up as the first result)
As a result I feel compelled to exclude some aspects of my present reality
So as to avoid negative ramifications
In the case that someone were to read things they need not know.
I suppose, in a way
It's a bit of a sham.
But it's about as close as you'll get to my reality
Unless you actually know me.
And I suppose when it all comes down to it,
I'd rather know people than have them just read my blog.
What
are
friends
for.

x

Thief of Time

You know what clock, fuck you.
I'm soon going to need a new Countdown.

I never did read that book.

My words, they don't come out right

I do not need you to sit and nitpick at every single little thing I do.
Nor do I need you to rally support from the rest of them.
I don't need, or want, any one of you to tell me why you're think I'm wrong.
Take your opinion, and shove it.

Also.
Fuck off Bluetooth.
You do not work that way.
Go and bitch to someone else.

What Time's Been Stealing

I've had a couple of weird dreams lately
I mean sure, everyone does.
But these actually worried me.
Particularly the world-ending one.
I don't know if it was the whole world, or just a group...Battle Royale style.
All I knew was that I was going to die, along with a group of people...
One of which kept making out with me despite their prior engagements.
At some point in the dream I also had to fly over a train track.. with reasonable success
But it was awful.
The whole time I had this horrible sick feeling, I knew something bad was coming and there was nothing I could do about it.
Yet I didn't wake up, I just waited.
It wasn't frenzied or panicked, but there was frustration and anxiety.
The second dream was different.
I was at a relatives house.
But I stayed for a whole year..
Suddenly it was my 20th birthday.
I was really not happy about that.
I don't know.
It was just unsettling.
I don't want to be 20.
Hell, I didn't want to be 18.
But then again, that isn't so bad.
19, though...
Not that it will be different.
But it scares me.
One way
or
another.

x

The Dollar Is Down

So, tell me
What the fuck is wrong with the youth of today?
I get the impression that I can't leave my car outside my own house without it being attacked
Some months back it was broken into and my GPS was stolen
This morning I came out to find a swastika in green paint on the front of the car
Why?
Who the fuck knows!
And what can I do about it?
Not much, as it turns out.
I'm tempted to spend a night in the car and just wait til someone comes down the street and run them over.
It just astounds me that people are so fucking stupid.
In all honesty
I
hope
they
die.

x

Knock 'Em Out

NO.
I AM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH THIS.
NO NO NO.
IT IS NOT RIGHT.
IT IS FAR WRONG.
IT IS NOT OKAY.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THIS IS OKAY?
THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT ANY FUCKING MORE.

CROSS MY HEART.
HOPE
TO
FUCKING
DIE.

x

The Viper

Never mind.
Something else did.

I Want You To Know

It used to get me every time
Now, barely a rise.

It's All Over Now

There are so many beautiful people in the world
And I am quite proud to say I know several of them
But it does make me think
(Which I should not do, it leads to bad things)

What if
There are people out there
Who you could really benefit from, if you met them
Or they could benefit from you, either way
Like, emotionally
Not like. You'd give them money

But you might never know.
I mean, it's not really something you can dwell on
But it's an interesting thought

And moreover,
The same applies for 'soul mates'
If such things exist, I'm not sure
But if they did
Would we meet them?
How would we know?
Would there always be this doubt,
Or is it just a Gibbs-style gut feeling?

Although
In a complete display of contradictions
I would say that
If it's meant to be
It will happen somehow
And I'd like to think

We
Can
Believe
That.

x

Roundabout

I love this song.
Inconveniently, Josh reminded me of it
And it made me sad.
So here it is.

Boston - Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...

Where
no
one
knows
my
name.

x