A New Project

Christmas
A time of love
Joy
Family.
It was a wonderful day
And I did love so very much to see the family
Tomorrow will bring even more family
The Alley's Boxing Day celebration is always a highlight
Work will suck
And I will have to get someone else
To buy my Boxing Day Globes for me
But I look forward to it.


Something else, though.
This is the start
Of something.
Just a couple of things.
Here they are.


So begins

A new age


And so begins
Project 365


http://projectwolf365.blogspot.com

Check it out


I'll do my best to maintain both blogs
This one to contain my thoughts and insanity


The other to commemorate this twentieth year.


Cold
Hot
Air
Balloon.

x


(P.S. iloveyou,toomuch.)

Nineteen

Go
Go
Go!

Make it good,
Make it count

I'm on the way

It began with love and birthday wishes

From those closest to me

Made me very happy

To return the love.


Project 365
BEGINS
TODAY.

Details later.
I haven't decided on a website to post them on.
Maybe this one
Maybe not.
I shall decide.
And it will be epic.

Off to a good start?

I
Think
So.

x

Bear in the Big Blue House

Today is my last day of being 18.
It's been a good year, and I wanted to finish it off with something cool,
But I'm working most of the day
And was disappointed that I wouldn't get the chance.
I was on my bed this morning when I heard rain outside
(it's meant to be really hot today)
So I ran out in my underwear and played in it for about 5 minutes.
Successful last day of 18?

I think so.

MLIA.

x

Hello Seattle

I remember this feeling.
Brings me back
To year 11.

I couldn't explain it then
Nor can I now.
It is not exactly comfortable
Yet not painful
But it tugs at my insides
Twisting them up something chronic.
It keeps me awake
Keeps me on edge.

I'm surprised it took me until today
To remember
That I'd known it before

It's strange
Because whilst the feeling may be known
The circumstances are not
And one would assume
That they would go hand in hand
As they did last time.
Apparently not,
Although there is one similarity.
A common factor
Which may or may not
Be distracting
Stealing
Draining
Destroying.

It should not
It is meant to be good
It should be good

Apparently my heartache missed that memo
And has set in for a battle
A screaming match
But who will lose their voice
Before the other?

"Beautiful.
Ugly.
Fuck you.
Fuck you."

This is not productive.
The day is crawling along.
An entire day of freaking out
Minus eight hours of sleeping
Is hardly desirable.
Suck it up
Suck it up.

Everybody wants to be a cat.

It is nearly my birthday
I am not excited.
I am worried.
Nothing is as it seems.
This whole year, in fact
Has been a labyrinth.

Just a few abnormalities
Seemingly unimportant
But strange nonetheless.
For example.
A winter roadtrip was surprisingly warm.
Summer mornings are freezing.
Nobody seems to be making the effort for Christmas.
My birthday is merely the chance to flip the P plates
And I'm tearing myself up over something I already have.

You know what?

Fuck
this.

x

Just So Predictable

[You're damn right we will.
We are the best ones.
That is all.]

Chapter One; it started like all the rest.
Chapter Two; it made me angry.
Chapter Three; an extended normality.
Chapter Four; things got interesting, there was contact, things were good.
Chapter Five; pear-shaped, anger, drunken attempts to feel better.
Chapter Six; plans made, hopes up, but it is only a temporary solution.

The rest is still unwritten.

I'm optimistic about it though
Without being totally dependent
On it working out.

So I think that's okay.
I think I'm okay.

I
Think
I
Am.

x

Everywhere

Why, oh why
The woodpecker cries

I don't know why he does
And I don't know what possessed me
To begin my post with such a line

I have just written a letter.
For the first time in awhile

Not even typed,
No
It is hand-written.

It amuses me how something as simple as a letter
Can be so entertaining
And exciting.

Especially when you're on the receiving end.
(That's what she said?)

I'm feeling strange, today.
Well, it started yesterday technically
Since it is now 1.22am

And it was caused by a comment
About one having their "share"
Of, well, in this case experiences

And all of a sudden
Thanks to those few innocent words
I felt incomplete
And inadequate.

It caused a re-evaluation of my being
Just a small one
But large enough to bring me down
To a state of dissatisfaction.

I feel left behind.
I feel inferior.
I feel like I've wasted
So much time.
So many chances.

What would it have been like
If I'd known before
What I know now

What would it have been like
If I'd met these people earlier in life

If I'd been born elsewhere.
If I'd been relocated.
If I'd made a past decision
That changed my future
Which is now my present.

Weird.

Oh, this song
Reminds me of GTA:III
And the Lexus
Oh man,
Those were the days.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
"Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down."

I know it is absolutely pointless
But I do sometimes wish
That I could go back.

And instead of sitting here
Wallowing in what was
I should be making the most of today
Am I?
Not really.
I seem to be failing
Even though I know
What I need to do.

Well,
That isn't exactly true.
I know the superordinate concept
I just need to work out
The subordinate details.

Therein lies the hard part.

Why waste my emotion?
It'll end up the same.

Down
To
One
Last
Breath.

x

Canines On The Run

I received news today
That the lovely people at Garden-Planters.com
Featured my blog on their site.

On the same token I would like to dedicate this post to them
And I very much appreciate it
Despite my blog not being garden related
Whatsoever.


<<< http://garden-planters.com/ Garden Fountains >>>

Thank
you
:)

x

Bob Dylan

It's one of the things I hate most.
Anyone who really knows me will know,
I cannot stand change.
I would far prefer everything to stay the same.
I don't want to readjust.
I don't want to relearn.
No, no, no.

The inconvenient thing about this,
Is that I don't really have a choice.
None of us do.
Unless we are Amish.
In which case there may not be so many changes.
Perhaps.
I don't really know.

Some people might argue and say
"If things don't change, things won't get better"
Well, why are they bad to begin with?
Because they changed, to become bad.
That is mostly what happens, or so I understand.

For some reason
Something this morning possessed me
To snoop through my old files
Old conversations
Old musings
Old thoughts.

I think it was when I found something on a Floppy disc
From grade 6
And it was Thursday 5/12/02
Which would be the equivalent of today
Being Thursday.
I was taken aback, almost.

It only continued from there
And got worse
But that was my own fault.


I'm locked in tight
I'm out of range
I used to care

But
Things
Have
Changed.

x

P.S. 100th.