Looking forward to what?

I considered it something to look forward to.
There was not a promise,
But a likelihood.
And I took that as good enough to hope for.
But it seems that I have possibly been wasting so much time
So much thought
And so much emotion.

Maybe, I am just overthinking it.

But I have a massive feeling that what I think is true.

Sure, it may not happen often.

But maybe this time I'll get lucky.

In one way
or
another.

Wrong.

It's wrong.
All wrong.
First off, I should be sleeping.
I shouldn't have worked 10 hours yesterday.
I shouldn't have been out late 2 nights in a row.
I shouldn't have been up early 2 mornings in a row.
I should not have messed up the OSPF configuration in our competition today.
I should not feel the way I do, about certain people.

BUT I DO.
What the hell can I do?
I shouldn't be worried about the end of school.
I shouldn't be awake still.
I shouldn't be so hard on myself, maybe.

BUT I AM.
Is it all screwed up?
And why?
Why have I screwed it up so badly?

Why are people so hypocritical?
And so contradictory?
They say one thing..
Then do another.
Or, say another thing to someone else, or somewhere else.

They don't care.
They couldn't give a shit either way.
Maybe they're a complete waste of time and emotion.

ONLY
TIME
WILL
TELL.

x

(PS. MOTHERFUCK.)

The End

I have a lot of trouble with a lot of things.
I have trouble understanding why people do things
I have trouble accepting the fact that in merely weeks I will be rid of high school forever
I have even more trouble accepting, and understanding, myself.

It seems to me that I take everything to an extreme.
If I laugh, it's usually very loudly, and at something very stupid.
If I am annoyed, it's usually shown in a loud and obnoxious way, and it's often caused by the most insignificant thing.
If I have feelings for someone, they are usually pretty strong, they come on quickly and can also disappear just as suddenly.
And my own emotions, most of the time I am either in a good mood or a bad mood, not in between.
It seems static, almost.
Like, I only have two options.
A switch. On or off.

I could be wrong though.
I may be basing these claims on the last few days, but I'm pretty sure it hasn't changed much.

And I like that. I don't do change very well.
Which is why I am having such a struggle with this end-of-school thing.
It will be such a massive difference, this year compared with next year.
And in between, I have WEEKS of holidays, in which to do basically whatever the hell I want.
Most likely it will consist of work, getting my license, getting a car, driving.....that's about it.

Narrow minded much?

But hey. I've waited long enough.
My license test is booked for my birthday..which is..3 months and 13 days away.

Between now and then..
Eight exams.
Cisco x2
Further x2
Biology
English
Methods x2.

So..
More than likely I will be neglecting this blog of sorts..
Not that anyone will really care.
I'll still be here.
Just not.. here.

As for this year.
My school days.
Life as I know it?

Our
Time
Is
Running
Out.

=/

One Whole Minute

In the past 48 hours
I have become completely obsessed with two different songs..
Both of which I shall post here
Because they are currently awesome.
I would like to point out, that as I do, I will most likely get bored of them
But not today.
So here they are...

Paramore: Crushcrushcrush

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one two of us who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this

If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one two of us who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this now

Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
You need something to sing about

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one two of us who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
No, oh

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one two of us who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
More than this

Metro Station: Shake It

Let's drop!
Yeah, come on

I'll take you home
If you don't leave me at the front door
(Leave me at the front door)
Your body's cold
But girl, we're gettin' so warm
And I was thinking of ways
That I could get inside
(Get inside)

Tonight you're falling in love
Let me go now
This feeling's tearing me up
Here we go now

Now if she does it like this
Will you do it like that?
Now if she touches like this
Will you touch her like that?
Now if she moves like this
Will you move like that?
Come on, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

Your lips tremble
But your eyes are in a straight stare
(In a straight stare)
We're on the bed
But your clothes are laying right there
And I was thinking of places
That I could hide
(I could hide)

Tonight you're falling in love
Let me go now
This feeling's tearing me up
Here we go now

Now if she does it like this
Will you do it like that?
Now if she touches like this
Will you touch her like that?
Now if she moves like this
Will you move like that?
Come on, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

I saw you dancing
And I couldn't get you off my mind
I could tell that you could tell
That I was taking my time
But I was thinking of ways
To get you to stay tonight
Body's shaking
Tell me off so I can turn off the lights

Now if she does it like this
Will you do it like that?
Now if she touches like this
Will you touch her like that?
Now if she moves like this
Will you move like that?
Come on, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it
(Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it)
(Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it)
(Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it)
(Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it)
Shake shake,
Shake it

Yes.
There you have it..
A small insight into my brain for the last couple of days

OH BUT. I have one more.

Bright Eyes: Easy/Lucky/Free

Did it all get real? I guess it's real enough
They got refrigerators full of blood
Another century spent pointing guns
At anything that moves
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot
My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
I never really dreamed of heaven much
Until we put him in the ground
But it's all I'm doing now
Listening for patterns in the sound
Of an endless static sea
But once the satellite's deceased
It blows like garbage through the streets
Of the night sky to infinity

But don't you weep
(Don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep
(Don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky
Honey, don't you weep
(Don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep
(Don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky
As easy
Or free

Don't be a criminal in this police state
You'd better shop and eat and procreate
You've got vacation days, then you might escape
To a condo on the coast
I set my watch to the atomic clock
I hear the crowd count down until the bomb gets dropped
I always figured there'd be time enough
I never let it get me down
But I can't help it now
Looking for faces in the clouds
I've got some friends I barely see
But we're all planning to meet
We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
All together for eternity

But don't you weep
(Don't you weep for us)
Don't you weep
(Don't you weep)
There is no one as lucky
Honey, don't you weep
(Don't you weep for us)
Don't you weep
(Don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky
As easy
Or free

Or free
Or free
Or free

There is nothing
There's nothing
There's nothing


I have Stacey to thank for that last one..
And the first one, actually.

I think, combined, they sum up what I've been thinking lately.
If you take small parts from each
Yes.

I know what I'm talking about.
I have a messed up head.

THE END!
I have to go.

:O

The New Voyager

By the way, Zaak...



I am ashamed to say..

Whilst I am still a massive fanboy of the old Voyagers

I do kinda like this new one a little better than I did before.

Except from the back, it's ugly as.

888

So 8 is lucky in China, and today is 8/08/08.
No surprises then that the Beijing Olympics begin today
But who am I kidding, everyone in the damn world knows that
I shouldn't be writing such pointless information
But who cares, it's my damn blog!
Which, I might add, has to some degree replaced the journal which I have attempted to keep over the past couple of years
Which would be fine,
Apart from the unfortunate fact that I ramble about absolutely nothing for most of it
Which I'm currently doing
Which will most likely discourage people from reading this
Which.. in turn.. may not be such a bad idea
Because then.. I could post whatever I wanted
Divulge all my feelings
Secrets
Things that happen which I don't want people to know about
But..
Alas..
This being the internet
At least someone is guaranteed to read this
No matter how crappy it is
Which...in this case, epic crapness comes to mind.

BUT ANYWAY
I probably had something else to say
OH
Production
Now..
I saw Anything Goes last night, the school production this year.
And I have to say,
Zaak and I both came to the conclusion that it is epic.
Very impressive cast, minus a couple..
But overall, brilliant.
Awesome orchestra, also.
There were a huge amount of technical screw-ups, but all due to crappy failing equipment, not crappy failing operators..haha

So here we are, it's 22:00 on the dot and the Olympics are starting
Why?
Because they are.
Ohgod my Firefox thinks it's going to be 5 degrees and snowing here on Sunday
Somehow..I doubt that.
However, I will post something about it if it does happen.
BACK TO THE OLYMPICS
For whatever reason, China is trying to out-do every other Olympics ever
And apparently I should watch it because it will help me be able to give examples for my English Language stuff
But I disagreed, with "There's nothing linguistic about floating rings."
Ah dear.

Today
Flick and I made some of the most brilliant desserts ever
Cherry cheesecake..
A chocolate and strawberry tart of sorts..
AND
Zaak gingerbread.
Yes, that's right..
Gingerbread that had 'ZAAK' carved into it.

Unfortunately we didn't really get to sample the former two in full, but tomorrow..
Ohh..
It's going to be an epic feast.

And in closing..
A quote from last night's production..

"And if, to come home you fail...
I'll open all your mail..
SO
Buddy..
Beware!"

x

E65 > iPhone

Zaak.. this is your fault.

I have decided, to compare my E65 to an iPhone.
This is of course in favor of Maddox, who compared his Nokia E70 to an iPhone
He makes such arguments that I agree with and can adapt to my E65, including..
-my E65 has Wi-Fi, and a web browser
-it plays MP3's
-it supports Flash/Java, UNLIKE the iPhone
-it does MMS (which I had on my 6220 in 2003)
-it records voice, which can then be set as a ringtone or whatever (which Motorola's don't do either, by the way)
-voice dialling? COME ON! My crappy Nokia 3330 (made in 2001) had voice dialling (the fact that I hardly use it is irrelevant.. I used it once to call Stacey a couple of weeks ago)
-my E65 slides, much to the amusement of a certain Zaak..
-E65 has GPS now also, but only because I bought a GPS receiver (still wouldn't be nearly as expensive as an iPhone)

I had a few more points to make...
But they shall have to be added later.

RAWR!

E65 FTW.