Wolf dot com

Fish?

2011-07-27T00:47:00.001+10:00

I think I've caught a new one.
And so far,
I'm loving it.

x

De Vere

2011-07-03T01:49:00.000+10:00

I realise it's been a ridiculously long time
Since I blogged on here...
But since nobody really reads it
I figured it didn't really matter so much.

I'm presently in a hotel in Sydney
With Stace whom I love very much
And we're taking a little holiday from real.

What I actually want to talk about
Is somewhat of a triangle that unfolded itself today
I laughed at first
But then I realised it could also be really bad.
(Although it's not yet, so I will continue to laugh.)

There are these two boys I know,
Let us call them
Herp and Derp.
Even though they actually have better names.
Also it's going to confuse me because neither of those names are related to them
Whatsoever.
Anyway.
So I met Herp some time ago but we barely spoke.
Derp and I have been talking heaps lately.
They're both lovely, don't get me wrong.
Today I spent time with both of them,
And whilst I was pretty sure already that Derp liked me
It was only today that I realised
I kind of like Herp.

BUT.
Here's the twist.

DERP HATES HERP.

(This is looking so stupid, lol)

SO yeah.

We'll see how this geometric project comes along, I suppose.

S'ploops!

x

Fiend

2011-03-15T15:19:00.002+11:00

You're a liar.
You're a liar.
You're a fucking liar
And I'm going to expose you.

Buckle
Up.

x

2011-03-15T14:40:00.000+11:00

I just thought that you all should know
That after going from this

To this

I have spent a mere $397
On servicing, repairs, etc...
Sure, I've spent $2700 on petrol
But that doesn't count.
I fucking love this car.
18,000km...
$397.

What
Could
Possibly
Go
Wrong?

x

NV

2011-03-14T13:50:00.002+11:00

A momentary lapse.
Foot hits the floor.
The needle jumps.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Then back,
3, 4, 5.
113.
It could be
That pole
That car
That tree.
What stops it?

Don't
Hurt
The
Car.

x

Lol

2011-02-16T21:51:00.000+11:00

So it seems
We're all lonely
Probably because
We're all apart.

Fuck it.

x

Fish

2011-02-01T13:09:00.000+11:00

I have joined the ranks of Tumblr!
http://wolfiekun.tumblr.com
For those of you who read this.

I'll be here still
But I think Tumblr is easier
Especially for posting little things.

On another note
I've managed to suck it up
Just enough
That I am for the most part
Calm and content.

Things are okay
And days are passing
It'll all work out
In
The
End.

x

Snowfairygodmother

2011-01-28T01:31:00.001+11:00

Tonight was awesome
This is why I love my friends.
It was easy
I was happy
None of this fake shit
I really was smiling.
I say that like it's rare
I know it isn't
But it's been more difficult
Of late.
My room smells
Of a beautiful sweet soap
I can't wait to gift.
It smells like raspberries
Or something
And if I'm lucky
It might just become
One of those sort of weird
Things that gives me comfort.

I don't care how many
Gay fish
Are in the sea
I
Want
This
One.

x

Bang

2011-01-27T22:05:00.002+11:00

Brave face
Chin up.

We'll
Be
Okay

x

(I need a Tumblr for this shit.)

Easy A

2011-01-26T11:31:00.000+11:00

I haven't done this in awhile.
But this song has been around a lot lately.

Good Life - OneRepublic

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Addresses to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I say, "Oh, got this feeling that you can't fight"
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where we've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We all got our stories, but please tell me
What there is to complain about

When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over
When everything is out you gotta take it in

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I say, oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life
Oh, a good, good life, yeah

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cause hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I say, "Oh, got this feeling that you can't fight"
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life
Oh yeah, good, good life, good life, oh, this is

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We all got our stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about

x.

EF

2011-01-14T01:43:00.002+11:00

Whilst I'm aware it is after midnight
And therefore technically Friday
I'm still counting it as the end of the 13th.

It shocks me to think it has been a whole year.
It's been one hell of a year
And I mean that rather literally.

Ups
Downs
Highs
Lows
Smashes
Crashes
Mad dashes
Across the countryside.
Some things have changed
Some have not.
Some things have moved
Whilst others have remained.

I don't know whether I'm any better for it
But it's done and dusted
There's nothing I can do about it now
But move ahead.

Something that has done quite a lot
Of ahead-moving
Is my dearest Fairmont.
I know..
I crap on about it all the time..
But I think it's important.

My latest conclusion RE: the Fairmont
Is that he is acting as a substitute boyfriend.
Evidence:
I spend a lot of time inside him
(Sorry..couldn't resist.)
I spend a lot of money on him
And I wake up each day
Happy to know I'll be spending time with him.
Sure,
Maybe I'm insane.
But after nearly 4 months
He's caused me very little trouble
And we still fit together very well.
He doesn't argue with me.
He (usually) does what I want.
If he wants something
He tells me.
It's approaching the realms of a perfect relationship.

However.
Whilst I love my car dearly
There is obviously nothing
That replaces actual human contact.
And that is clearly the area
In which I am struggling
And lacking.
I need affection.
I need more of it.
I need it from someone I can return it to.
So underneath my veil of car-love
I'm still the same.

Single.
Desperate.
Silly.

x

Are We Listening

2011-01-07T17:48:00.001+11:00

I love to say
"I told you so,"
But it doesn't do anyone any good
So I refrain.
In fact
I am just waiting for someone to say it right back to me.

My Season 4 DVD's are missing from their place.

I wonder today
Who else is thinking
About a day that happened not so long ago
For me it meant little
My day comes next Thursday.
Happily I can say
I no longer dwell
But stupidly I keep
Small reminders around

Bits of paper.

"$40.87
17/01/10 21:34"

"Coles Express
Bexley 2207
Shell Autogas Pump 02 23.44L 59.9c/L $14.04
Unleaded Pump 06 41.63L 124.9c/L $51.99
18/01/10 21:45"

You get the point.
There are more but they are hidden.
And I am the stupid one who cannot let them go.
No longer can I say "fuck you"
Because I'm the only one who still cares.

I need to stop complaining
I need to stop seeking attention
I need to stop thinking that they notice
I need to stop trying to be good enough for them

After all,
It doesn't really matter.

We
make,
We
break.

x

oneoneoneone.

2011-01-01T13:33:00.001+11:00

Just a couple of things that made me laugh today.

One of my favourite things about showering

Is that my arms look really nice and tanned

Compared with the rest of me

Which incidentally is rather white.

Also in the shower

For some reason

I was thinking about how a few years ago

I would picture myself married to certain friends

And wonder if it would ever work.

I remember thinking of Stacey

And it was something like

"Yeah..Stacey.

We could be married.

We both like lasagne.

At least we could eat the same foods."

Yup.

I'm that cool.

Happy

New

Year.

195,003

2010-12-28T19:43:00.000+11:00

I am not a genius.

As a result,

There are many things in this world that happen

That I do not completely comprehend.

For example.

Why does my Fairmont's handbook suggest 5.5L of oil for an oil change

Yet my Fairmont be satisfied with only 4.5?

Why do I feel sick one day, better the next, but worse the day after

Instead of recovering in a predictable fashion?

Why would one occasionally be a tease

But for the most part appear uninterested?

Why would a best friend

Who merely weeks ago suspected someone of purposely manipulating friendships

Change their perspective and instead side completely with this person?

Who the fuck knows.

Some of life's many mysteries,

Clearly.

So here I sit

Frustrated beyond what I actually tell everyone

Not knowing why I still feel sick

Or why people play hard to get

Or why I'm being fucked over by people who used to care.

I want to play Grand Theft Auto.

Too

dle

oo.

P.S.

I would like to point out that I washed dishes at work for far too long today

And as there was basically an entire ecosystem in the sink by the end of it

I nearly spewed a number of times.

It was somewhat of a battle between me, the crockery and the dishwasher.

I won.

Then I went home.

The end.

Not Nineteen Forever

2010-12-24T01:48:00.000+11:00

I would like to say

Very quickly

That my teen years have officially toodled away.

Wut,

I'm twenty.

But that's cool.

I can totally deal.

But for now

Sleep is most definitely in order.

Hello,

Decade.

Bring Night

2010-12-21T21:14:00.000+11:00

I don't really remember what my last post was.
I could just check,
But where's the fun in that?
I just saw that it was November 29th
Which was awhile ago.

Apparently there is some lunar eclipse going on tonight
But we can't really see it at the moment.
Although I think I'm about to get up on the roof to see.

**

Oh.
I just remembered
I hate ladders.
It's also too cloudy to see what's going on.

I'm on edge today.
God only knows why.
I slept in until 2pm
And I've done pretty much nothing all day
But I'm irritable.

That is all, really.

Yesterday I did a bit more work on the interior of the car
And I'm pretty pleased with the results.
In fact, my planned interior is coming together quite nicely.
Only annoyance was discovering last night
That one of my lock knobs has toodled out of the door
And.. I can't find it.
Conveniently they are pretty easy to replace
But still.

I think I may try and find a bottle of wine
And indulge a little before I go to bed.

Raise
Your
Glass.

x

Sip

2010-11-29T02:03:00.000+11:00

Alright..so.
Turns out it's not such a bad thing that I am on my own.
I realised today
Through some random thought process
That in fact I would probably screw it up again
Due to my inability to balance friends and a relationship.
Hell, I have enough trouble with friends as it is
I do not need to add intimacy to the mix
Because too many cooks spoil the broth.

Terrible analogy
I realise
But nonetheless
I am a lone wolf for now

And
that
is
okay.

x

Ants

2010-11-18T13:05:00.000+11:00

There are two things I want to talk about today.
One with a smile, one with an angry-Ziva-noise-face.
For those of you who don't know,
It looks a little like this:
>:Z

Let us start with that.
Some people need to learn
That whilst friends are supportive and helpful
They should not and cannot be relied on to be bitched at 24/7.
They are in fact human
They need sleep
And they have other friends who get really fucking pissed off
When their best friend has put so much of her energy into helping people
That she is forced to make the decision to recuperate instead of being out and about.
Spending time with those of us who don't cause grief all the time.
We all have problems at one stage or another.
We all need someone to talk to
And that is what friends are for.
Absolutely.
But for fucks sake
Sometimes you need to suck it up
And deal with it yourself.
That means no middle-of-the-night complaining
Whinging
Phone calls
Self-harm threats
Et cetera.
Do not make your problem
Somebody else's.

If that is not understood
I WILL be smacking some skulls together.
Enough is enough.

Let us now move on to a re-count of last night.
Me.
Stace.
Mirko.
Emma.
My EF.
Some 15+ other cars.
Windy road up Mt Dandenong?
Yes please.
It was dark
And some of the corners were a bit hairy
One of them especially ended with me almost landing on the other side of the road
Going "holy shit, glad there was no one over there"
After that was a shocker of an overtaking job
I think it was a Nissan Tiida
And as I pulled into the right lane Mirko goes "FLOOR IT :L"
And I'm like
"I AM ALREADY :L"
Apparently going up a hill at 90 with 4 people in the car
Means acceleration isn't at it's peak
Whoops.
We managed to lose both the person I was following
AND the person who was following me
So we kind of made it up as we went
And conveniently pulled up at Skyhigh
In a line of Fords waiting to get through the gate.
Win.
We ended up chilling with Troy and Paul
The latter of which knew Jimmy from ATC
So we stayed with them for ages before Mirko raced them back down the mountain
Us in my EF
Troy and Paul in Troy's arctic blue EL Fairmont
And we met Jimmy at Baysie Maccas.
After Maccas, and more Maccas, and more of Jimmy's mates
We toodled away..
Jimmy in a Prelude
Followed by Troy
Then me.
We come out onto Canterbury Road
Duck over to the U-Turn lane
And because I was last I got to see them both whip around
And after I'd also gone round I looked in the mirror
To see tyre smoke trailing behind us, from both Fairmonts
And it only took about 3 seconds before the smell of rubber was everywhere.
Someone made the comment of
"Ahh, I love the smell of burning rubber in the morning.."
And I was like "well, I really don't...."
So basically
We toodled home
And went to bed.

I'll go and check on the car,
Make sure he is all okay.
He didn't get hot
He didn't hit redline
He didn't whinge
So I'm sure all is fine.
The only thing that really happened was my fuel consumption went up
From 12.5 L/100km
To 15.8 L/100km
(which, in all honestly wasn't that bad given the driving we did)

So.
On the to-do list (eventually):
-new brakes
-better tyres
That should make cruising (read: thundering) around mountains more stable and safer.
-tinted windows
-that exhaust that Troy has on his EL
That should make me look cooler, and sound better.

However.
On the immediate to-do list?
-that aerial switch
That will mean the aerial is under my command.
-wiring up the Fairlane lights
That will again make me look cooler.

And thus
the
end.

x

Budging

2010-11-08T11:37:00.000+11:00

Neglect

(noun)

'to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight '

Yes,
It seems I've been neglecting my blog.
Multiple blogs, actually.
After my exam on Wednesday I'll update my photoblog,
And hopefully I'll have enough photos to fill in the gaps.
(Er, yes, I am aware that there has been a gap of 1 month +)

I've also been neglecting the reality that I need a new job.
Little by little our office tasks are being outsourced to an offshore office
And little by little our office staff are disappearing.
I haven't seen Emma , Annette or Lauren for over a week.

This is disappointing;
Both in that I miss seeing them at work
AND that I will soon be made redundant also
If this pattern continues.

One thing I have not been neglecting
Would be my dearest Xandir.
At the turn of 190,000km on Tuesday last week
The little service spanner popped up on the dashboard.

By Thursday, and less than 50km later
He had new oil (with Syneco, of course) and a new oil filter
And yesterday he also got new spark plugs
Along with a new HT lead for cylinder 3, courtesy of Dad breaking the old one.
Inconveniently the coil pack is located in a stupid hard-to-reach place
But I did get an amusing picture of Dad almost diving into the engine bay to get to it.

Unfortunately, without a constant income I will not have money to fuel him
So this could become an issue.
Logical next step?
Seek..and hopefully

I
will
find.

x

Snow White

2010-09-26T18:45:00.000+10:00

Mirror mirror

On the wall

Who's the fairest of them all?

My damn Fairmont, that's who.

I fucking love it.

Beware: if you don't want to hear me rambling about this car for an undefined number of lines

Leave now.

A white 1995 Ford EF Fairmont sedan.

185,000km.

$2999 from The Car Market in Footscray.

Registered until April 2011,

Roadworthy, and very clean.

A 157kW 4.0L inline-6.

4-speed automatic.

EL Sapphire alloys.

Automatic climate control.

Cruise control.

Remote central locking.

Velour interior.

Power windows and mirrors.

Drivers airbag.

ABS. (which I got to test out today, unintentionally...whoops)

I realise most of these things are not incredibly special.

But after being without a car for seven weeks,

It's pretty much an answered prayer.

I picked him up 11 days ago

And I've done some 1100km since then

Very comfortable kilometres, I might add.

I love finally having a car of my own again.

I love how clean it is.

I love how I've already learned how it will respond to certain situations.

I don't so much love buying petrol every week

But I do love that I can get better fuel economy out of a bigger and more powerful car

Than I did with the Skyline

Also, it's much more accommodating of five people.

And has louder speakers than the Skyline.

Sadly, I have no way (as yet) of listening to my iPod in the car

And I am confined to either the radio

Or badly broadcasted music from my phone's FM transmitter.

So that is certainly something to work on.

But for $3000, I cannot complain.

Everything works, which is nice.

It's clean (at the moment) and shiny, which is also nice.

It's fast, which is very nice.

In any case

I'm sure I'll be keeping him for awhile

And I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

Who's most likely to give you a car you didn't really want to begin with but ended up buying anyway?

Ford,

course.

Eclipse

2010-09-05T10:36:00.000+10:00

How do you let something go?
Well, duh, it's easy.
You just let it go.
But what does that even mean?
Do I have to completely detach myself from the situation,
Not speak of it again,
Forget it happened,
Or pretend it never did?

Was it that important?
No.
Is it really anything new?
Not so much.
So what's the damn problem?
It goes like this.

For quite awhile now there has been just one thing missing,
Something I can obviously live without but would prefer not to.
At the start of the year I did actually have it, for a couple of months.
Since I've been without,
I've been looking for ways of bringing it back again.
This in turn has created a few problems,
Most notably the one wherein I latch onto anybody who will let me,
Very quickly,
And then get irrationally disappointed when it ends abruptly.
"There's a common theme here.."
Well, yeah,
I keep screwing it up.

Last night, thanks to Aidan + epiphany, I realised this:
I have the 'What', but not the 'Who'.
Huh?
Okay.
I know what it is I want, I just don't know exactly who I want it with.
Given my issues with finding the 'Who',
I've pretty much started applying my 'What' to whoever I can.
Along with this, obviously,
Comes the fact that the 'What' may only last a very short time.
It happened back in May,
I had exactly what I wanted for a whole weekend.
When alcohol is added, there is sometimes the option to have 'it' for up to a number of hours, which I think is what I was possibly aiming for in my intoxicated misadventure on Friday night.
Technically, I did, for a very very short time, get what I wanted.
Logically then, I don't want much, and it's pretty simple to placate me.
I was happy.
It was perfect.
For about twenty seconds.
Okay, so that was only one part of it.
I won't lie.. there was quite a period of time
(I wouldn't have a clue how long it really was)
In which I was perfectly happy, comfortable and content.
So, I suppose in a way
I did win.
Just not quite as much as I would have liked.
Also, in doing so, I neglected my original plan
(Which, by the way, was more for fun than to any goal)
So I lost the chance to amuse myself further with that also.
All in all, I took it for more than it was worth and ended up the loser.

It's happened all too many times,
And I'm finally realising why.
Yes, I'm bringing it upon myself.
No, it's not really intentional.
Yes, I can avoid it.
No, I probably won't end up doing so unless I stop drinking altogether.
(And no, I don't think I'll be doing that.)

"Forever's gonna start tonight."
No,
Forever already started.

I'm
just
missing
it.

x

Promise

2010-08-25T13:43:00.000+10:00

I absolutely cannot get enough of this song.

Welcome back
Winter once again
And put on your warm fuzzy sweater
'Cause you'll feel much better when

The snowflakes fall
Gently to the ground
The temperature drops
And your shivers freeze all the rivers around
But I keep you warm

If speed's a pro
Inertia must be a con
'Cause the cold wind blows at precise rates
When I've got my ice skates on

If all the roads
Were paved with ice that wouldn't thaw or crack
I could skate from Maine to Nebraska
Then on to Alaska and back
'Cause you keep me warm

Peer over the edge
Can you see me?
Rivulets flow from your eyes
Paint runs from your mouth
Like a waterfall
And your lungs crystalize

I'll travel the sub-zero tundra
I'll brave glaciers and frozen lakes
And that's just the tip of the iceberg
I'll do whatever it takes
To change

Farewell powdery paradise
We'd rather skate on the thinnest ice
Fingers failed us before they froze
And frostbite bit down on all our toes

Snow drifts build up and enfold us
As we wait out this winter storm
So we snuggle close in the darkness
And keep each other so warm.

And this one is also pretty...good.

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just 'cause you cut me to the bone
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone

If I don't listen to talk of the town
Maybe I can fool myself

I'll get over you

I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
Ooh I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give into my blues
That's not how it's gonna be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't want to let you see

Now that you have made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself

I'll get over you

I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you

I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking ooh-ooh
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking) yeah ooh

If I ever get a chance I'll get over you
(I know I will)

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Maybe I can fool myself

I'll get over you

I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you (I'm over you)
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
I am the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you

I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
But I won't shed a tear for you
I'll be the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you

I know I will
I'll pretend my heart's still beating
'Cause I've got no more tears for you
I'm the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you

I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king

wishful

thinking.

BehindTime

2010-08-12T14:38:00.000+10:00

So, who has seen the ad for the new iPhone, with what they call FaceTime?
Everyone? Yeah, pretty much.
FaceTime is basically the iPhone's (well, Apple's) answer to video calling,
Which as it turns out is not a new thing.
I of course knew this, but it seems a great many people do not.

Apple's website says "People have been dreaming about video calls for decades",
Which is true,
But they have also been living the dream of video calls since 2003.
What? But how?
Well, through the magic of 3G UTMS networks.
Three provided Australia with its first ever mobile video call on April the 15th, 2003*.
Since then, many Three phone's (including NEC's, LG's and Motorola's) have been capable of making video calls and even included dedicated Video Call buttons, meaning it was just as easy to make a video call as it was to make a normal voice call.

Let us backtrack to FaceTime, which is being heralded as a new and exciting feature of mobile phones.
I suppose in a way it is, as it can only be used between other iPhone 4's over Wi-Fi networks.
Yes, that's right, not over a 3G network, even though the technology has existed for years.
I don't know whether Apple has plans for this video calling capability to be expanded to use 3G networks or to work between other phones in the future, but I sure as hell hope they do.

I do plan to get a new iPhone 4, to replace my stupid N97 which I complain about constantly, but the idea that I will no longer be able to make video calls disappoints me.
I am yet to find out whether tethering for mobile modem use is an extra cost, but if it is I can assure you I will be just as annoyed.
I had the same reaction when in the iPhone 3GS they included things like voice dialling and a camera with autofocus.
These simple phone features have been available for years, and it astounds me (and others, thankfully) that Apple are boasting about their 'fancy new features' when in reality they are, put simply, behind the times..

Yet somehow, they still manage
to
suck
us
in.

x

*sourced from http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2010/06/australias-first-mobile-video-call-april-15-2003/

Saddle

2010-08-06T18:20:00.000+10:00

Dear World,

Fuck you.
You didn't win.
I'm doing it all on my own.
No tax money.
No repayments.
Certainly no loans.
I'm on my own two damn feet.

The three most important people
In my life
At the moment
Are toodling away
Effectively.
To different degrees.
But they'll never leave.

So once again,
Fuck you.
With something hard and sandpapery.

You didn't defeat me.
So get fucked.

K
THX
BAI.

x

Yesterday

2010-07-29T21:20:00.000+10:00

Lights.
Brakes.
Tyres.
Rain.
Crash.
P/Shift.
Wipers.
Hazards.
Fuck.

Insurance.
Excess.
Assessment.
Outcome.

Failure.

x

La Manière

2010-07-22T14:08:00.000+10:00

L'amour est un oiseau rebelle

Que nul ne peut apprivoiser,

Et c'est bien en vain qu'on l'appelle,

S'il lui convient de refuser.

Fromage.

JFC

2010-07-10T16:22:00.000+10:00

So,

It may have possibly been over a month

Since my last post.

A combination of time going really fast

And me being busy

And most of all, lazy

Has resulted in a very un-updated set of blogs.

So to the few reading this, I apologise.

In the last few hours,

I've worked at a winery.

In the last few days,

I've spent time with Rachel and others as we celebrated her birthday.

In the last few weeks,

I've been working more, housesitting for Brisbane-visiting Grandparents, and there have been birthdays for Mark and Zach and a funeral for Mandy.

A few constants have remained I suppose,

Eenie-meenie-miney-mo feelings,

Convenient weekly income,

And the knowledge that my efforts will never

Ever

EVER

Be enough.

Do I care to explain?

No,

Not

Slightly.

Cell

2010-06-06T23:51:00.000+10:00

I really miss my E65!
The poor thing ended up in a river after being entrusted to a certain deb partner.
I somehow ended up on eBay after getting to a satisfactory point in my essay
I think it was after looking at something on Hunch
And looked at E65s, N73s, V600s and even a 6220.
Now, I feel the need to tell the story of these devices...for whatever reason.

The 6220 came first, in about 2006 after 2 years in Dad's possession
It was without a doubt the most reliable phone I have ever owned.
As for it's predecessors, the 3210 had button issues and the 3330 would switch itself off.
One day, it decided it no longer wanted to accept any SIM cards.
It still charges, turns on, and ... well, that's about it.
But it would work perfectly if not for the small matter of snobbing all operators.
Next was the V600, in February 2007
Which I thought was a good idea at the time.
It flipped, and had Bluetooth
And therefore was cooler than the 6220.
It had been in Vickie's possession for almost three years
So was as old as the 6220 and much more worn.
Still, I survived with it until July 07 when I got the E65
Red, all shiny and new
The first and only new phone I've ever had.
I loved it to pieces
For about two weeks.
I realised soon that I instead wanted the N73
An older but more photographically capable model
And continued to hate on my E65 whilst it got more and more broken.
But after being fixed twice it stopped rejecting my SIM card
And clearly, a year or more after losing it, I find myself missing it
So it must have done something right.
A black V620 popped up somewhere around then, while the E65 was in surgery.
It didn't charge, so I needed the V600 - which Xanthe had at the time
To charge batteries for me
This was around the end of school in 2008
And Alix's Mum Robyn was kind enough to give me her old V3x
Which I kept for awhile, until (I think)
I got an N73
Finally, 18 months after deciding I wanted one
I had it.
I think at this point I had the E65 back
But it took a back seat as the new toy came with me to Brisbane
And took some really nice pictures, too.
Sometime in March of 09 I left the N73 at a parents friends house
The E65 must have been with Lauren by then, because I found myself back with the V620.
I snagged a lonely 6210 Navigator from work
Which I had for awhile before eventually getting the N73 back.
After awhile I bought the store demo Navigator.
At some point I got a Virgin SIM card
So as to be able to text Vickie for free
And this resided in the N73 for awhile
Then the V620
Then an S700, also work-sourced, not available in Australia.
The latter was eventually stolen from my car
And the Virgin SIM was in an "I-turn-off-every-ten-minutes" 6131
And later an N95 8GB, again, from work.
The N73 went to Shannon who later lost it
So I continued with the N95i and the Navigator
Until October when I bought the demo N97.
Probably the most annoying phone I've ever owned,
The N97 sits beside me on this desk today
As it shall until I get an iPhone.
The N95i is now with Zach
And I managed to get the lonely Navigator from work to give to Xanthe
Who's U700 was having issues...as they do.
The V600 and V620 also sit on my desk, but unused, and with each other for company.
The V3x is now with Stacey's parents, as it replaced Emily's archaic 5110.
The 3210 is still in Zach's room, and the 3330 was bought by Robin some years ago
And ended up going through the wash.

Most of all I miss the E65.
It was slim. It was fancy.
It had Wi-Fi and conference calling.
It slid solidly with such a reassuring 'click'
Much to the amusement of a certain Zaakary.
It provided me with hours of MSN entertainment
In the days before I could afford mobile data.
It showed me that MP3 ringtones were awesome
Unlike the V600 which took so long to load the tone that I'd answered the call already
And it let me do cool things like Bluetooth my English essays to Miss Hall's laptop.
Yeah, it's tragic.
But I miss the damn thing.
Thanks, for the trip
down
memory
lane.

x

Noise

2010-06-05T13:38:00.001+10:00

I try to sing it out

Make myself believe it

But my voice falters

And the tears that fall

Betray my confidence.

The strength I thought I had

still

being

built.

Onetwo.

2010-06-04T16:40:00.001+10:00

I wondered where this went.

I thought I posted it weeks ago

But apparently I did not.

Another day

Another dollar

Such a strain

To make ends meet

To keep afloat

To smile and nod 

It goes like this

Day in 

Day out

Something old 

Something new 

Something tried 
Something true 

There comes a day 

We find our feet 

But until then

It goes again 

Another
day 

Another
dollar.

x

Sprung.

2010-06-04T14:29:00.007+10:00

Fuck you..

It hurts.

Toodleoo

2010-06-02T18:22:00.001+10:00

One more thing

I've changed my mind.
I'm happy.

I like it.

Finally.

Thankyou.

Electra-Glide

2010-06-02T18:18:00.000+10:00

Okay,
So I've been ridiculously lazy with this blog
And thus, time for an update.
I have no idea where to begin.

See, the thing is
I take a picture to upload every day
So most of what happens is already there.
BUT.
I had a pretty important weekend
So I'll just detail that a little more, perhaps.

Okay. So turns out I'm too lazy for detail.
Besides, people will read this, if I actually write what I want to.

It was fun. Definitely.
Probably the best weekend I've had in a long while.
Met some lovely new people
And caught up with some old favourites.

And the car,
He was awesome.
Such a trooper.
Didn't miss a beat the whole way
Despite 1915km in one weekend
And four seasons in one day.

I felt weird when I got home.
Even yesterday.
Today, to some extent.
But that's how it goes.

It was awesome..
Just, now
It seems
I'm a lovesick
crack
head.

x

Semi

2010-05-14T17:23:00.000+10:00

Circle?
No.

I didn't even remember until today, actually.
I thought about it awhile back.
Techncially it's today though.
Since today is Friday.

Although I didn't service my car yesterday.
And I'm not going "camping" next week.
And I'm not starting work in 53 minutes.

Would I go back?
I think I would.
Clearly, can't.
One day I'll change my mind.
Bring on the alcohol.

Soy
un
perdedor.

x

Knock

2010-05-10T22:02:00.000+10:00

Stop it,

Stop it.

There is no point trying to impress

You'll just get your hopes up

When you KNOW it's completely inappropriate.

Clearly

If you've been given this chance so readily

You did something right the last time

So maybe don't worry

Because you know you'll just do something really stupid

Like...oh, I dunno

YOU'RE ALREADY DOING.

Idiot.

There is no chance

So save the time

And save the feeling.

Don't

fucking

worry.

Michael

2010-05-01T17:21:00.002+10:00

It seems I've been superlazy with my blog...
Again.
Not that anyone really seems to notice
Which is cool.

I had so much I wanted to say
And I can't even think of where to start
I am still unemployed
And slowly running out of money
But my car is finally in a reasonable state
After I replaced headlight globes
And got Dad to fix the speaker today.
Tomorrow I shall do an oil change
And then perhaps he shall be happy.

Thursday night
I met Chris and Kain in the city
Both of them for the first time
And I had a great time
So much so that we repeated expeditions the following night
With the 7pm Project again
But minus the LOTF and the giant walk to IKEA
(sorry Kain..)
Chris is nicer than I expected.
Kain..
Is just..
I can't even.
I'm absolutely positive that one day he will make some girl the happiest person ever.
That is all.

And now I have run out of things to say.

I
just
haven't
met
you
yet.

x

Downgrade

2010-04-22T12:36:00.000+10:00

Never before have I wished to swap my car

For something with less cylinders.

However,

This past week

I think it may have actually been a good idea.

Strictly for fuel economy reasons.

Normally I go through a tank of fuel each week

Which gets me about 450km and costs around $55-60.

But this week?

Oh no.

Let's start with some figures.

118.40

848

103.59

12.22.

Again?

Okay.

I drove 848km this week.

I used 103.59L of fuel.

I spent $118.40 on this fuel.

I got an economy figure of 12.22L/100km.

Which is pretty reasonable

Given my 20 year old car

Heavy right foot

And 3.0L 6 cylinder engine.

But still,

It was a very very costly week.

Coupled with the fact I have no job

It was quite painful trying to gather the cash.

Admittedly,

Mum and Dad gave me $20 for petrol

Because I had to drive to and from Corinella.

However even without that

It's almost $100

Almost double my weekly spend.

Again.

This is very much hurting the bank balance.

On another note

We hit 228,000 the other day.

By 'we', I actually mean the car.

But it means we've travelled just over 20,000km together.

Which is kind of special.

The oddest part

For me at least

Is that I did nearly 10,000 of those kilometres

In the last 6 months.

One might think that's pretty normal

Given the apparent average of 20,000km per year

But mine last year was between 10,000-15,000

So it's quite an increase.

It also means a service is due again soon.

Although this time

The days that follow may not be so exciting

Probably not as confusing either

But probably not as fun.

Yeah

It's been almost six months.

Give it a few weeks

Who knows

Maybe then

will

all

over.

A Lesson

2010-04-19T11:06:00.000+10:00

Forgiveness.
A complex concept
But a simple action.

Do it.
It
feels
good.

x

Top

2010-04-16T13:20:00.000+10:00

Interesting what Facebook considers "Top News"
Is it really that important?
Certainly not to me.
Firstly, I already knew
Secondly, I do not wish for it to be shoved into my face
Not only by Facebook the moment I log in
But by people who see it and are concerned.

Let me grow up.
Let me deal with it myself.
Big fucking deal
I got screwed over.
Such is life.

And to you?
'When everyone's gone and you all by yourself
You know that you gonna come to me for help
You need to knock some sense into your ego.'

History
repeats
itself.

x

Free From This

2010-04-01T15:51:00.000+11:00

I love how much you don't care.

I had a car crash yesterday.

It was the most minor crash ever, sure

But you wouldn't know that, would you.

I've officially lost my job

But you wouldn't have a clue.

I can't sleep properly any more

But you haven't bothered asking.

I'm angered by what you've said

But you haven't noticed.

I love how much you don't care

But we all know that's a lie.

Because

Makes

Sick.

Parachute

2010-04-01T14:44:00.000+11:00

I fucking love this song.

It featured quite heavily in my playlists

Back around three years ago.

And it seems it still has a kick to it.

Grand Theft Autumn - Fall Out Boy

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman

Maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town

When I wake up

I'm willing to take my chances on

The hope I forget

That you hate him more than you notice

I wrote this for you (for you, so)

You need him

I could be him

I could be an accident

But I'm still trying

And that's more than I can say for him

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town

Some day I'll appreciate in value

Get off my ass and call you

In the mean time I'll sport my brand-new fashion

Of waking up with pants off

At 4 in the afternoon

D'you need him

I could be him

I could be an accident

But I'm still trying

And that's more than I can say for him

One, two, three, four!

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town

Won't find out

(He won't find out)

Won't find out

(He won't find out)

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman

Maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman

(He won't find out)

And maybe he won't find out what I know

You were the last good thing about this part of town

BAM.

Still Brutally Stereotypical

2010-03-30T14:02:00.000+11:00

What does it mean to be masculine? Can such a concept be defined by just one set of criteria? And how does the idea of masculinity change and evolve over time? All these questions and more have come to my mind as a result of the latest advertising campaign from Brut, for their ‘Brutally Male’ deodorant. What gives this company the right to decide what is defined as ‘masculine’ or ‘male’, and what kind of image are they trying to portray? They are certainly tapping into one particular male stereotype, and hopefully I will come to some explanation as to why.

Firstly, let us consider the context of this ad. The ad depicts a robot of some kind assembling a collection of objects, presumably ones that are desired by males. The collection includes a Holden ute, a surfboard, a motorbike, a keg of beer, and finally a non-specific scarcely clad blonde woman, after she has been modified from a conservative Barbie doll. I’m sure if you surveyed a diverse group of males, the majority would not complain. However these items represent more than just something you wouldn’t mind in the driveway/bedroom; they reinforce a stereotype that a number of males have tried to break. I am of course talking about the stereotype of the “Aussie Bloke”, someone who certainly still exists today but is by no means an accurate representation of the majority of the Australian male population. We all know the Aussie Bloke as he is portrayed; a tough exterior, a beer-filled interior, all the while chasing the most blonde and least clothed girls around. Like I said, there are of course men in Australia who fit that description to varying extents, but there are so many who do not. Breaking it down, it can be assumed that to be an Australian man, you must simply identify as Australian, and possess an X and a Y chromosome. There are no other requirements, period. However, let’s take another step and look at gender identity and stereotypes.

To identify as ‘male’ and to identify as ‘masculine’ are clearly two very different things. As previously explained, being ‘male’ is purely biological, but being ‘masculine’ is such a complex social construct, it is hard to come up with one definition to fit all. Social constructs are formed and changed through influences such as the media, our experiences, our friendships and relationships with others, and of course our own opinions. Media plays a huge role in our self identity and helps us shape our opinions, and such campaigns as the ‘Brutally Male’ Brut ad are clear examples of the messages we are consuming each day. Breaking apart the ad itself, we have seen that the objects in the ad are aimed at a stereotypical Australian male, but what about the tag-line? What does it mean to be brutally male? Brutality is not really an admired quality in our society, so why would they be promoting it? The main reason for advertising is to sell something, that’s a given. The main reason for the content of an advertisement is who the target audience is. It seems that Brut are aiming their product at males who feel as though they want to get back to those stereotypical male roots, the bare bones of it, and be brutal. However this Neanderthal-derived desire ignores the fact that in getting to the ‘bare bones’ of it, you don’t need a Holden or a bimbo to be male, you need a penis. Whilst they are trying to identify with one target market, they may have benefited more from being a little more general, and capturing the very diverse male mind as a whole. Shall we take a look at who they are neglecting? If they are only aiming for the Aussie Bloke, they are missing such groups as metrosexuals, homosexuals, and more simply the group of men known as “SNAGs”, sensitive new-age guys who are proud to be men but don’t feel the need to act like a bogan.

The term ‘metrosexual’ has been around since the 1980s, but in its current definition it has mostly been used in the last ten years. A metrosexual is defined as a young male who takes pride in his physical appearance, is fashion-conscious and in terms of himself and his self presentation he exhibits behaviour which is usually stereotypical of homosexual men, but he is straight (this brings in to question the stereotype of the gay man, but at this point, this is irrelevant). In the last decade, several high-status males have been labelled as metrosexual, including swimmer Ian Thorpe and soccer star David Beckham. These influential people have been portrayed as good role-models, and as such there has been little backlash directed at them and their choices of lifestyle. To have such highly regarded celebrities being portrayed as metrosexual means that it isn’t really seen as something to be ashamed of, and thus the term has been increasingly used as more and more young men choose to take on such a lifestyle. It could be argued that a sensitive new-age guy (or a SNAG) is quite similar, but I would counter that by saying many of my male friends (and many males in general, I’m sure) are neither appearance-conscious nor good at shopping, but at the same time they are not at the stereotypical “bloke” end of the continuum either.

Looking back through history, it’s hard to imagine where the stereotype we know as “bloke” even came from. Sure, in ancient civilisations we had the likes of gladiators, warriors and the rest, but they were still not comparable to our “blokes”. Moreover, we had such highly regarded figures as Shakespeare, an author, not a barbaric footy player. Moving forward even to the last few decades, our Australian blokes seem to be in a class of their own compared to the rest of the world. Perhaps the closest group are the American rednecks, who tend to hold guns instead of stubbies. So maybe it’s just us here in Australia that have such a view of masculinity. But if that is so, the question still remains as to where it came from. As to where it is going, it makes sense that today there is less of an emphasis than there used to be on this stereotype, as much of our media influences today are from overseas, particularly America. Could it be that Brut are merely trying to hold on to the last bit of our token Aussie male, before he is quashed by our American-flooded media? Is it wise for them to do so? It shows they have pride in their national ‘identity’, yes, but it also shows they aren’t keeping up with the trends, and they aren’t adapting themselves for a changing marketplace.

Masculinity, like all social constructs, must evolve over time as society and its inhabitants also evolve. Brut’s use of the male stereotype shows that while these changes happen, there is still room for a possibly outdated version to show itself, and if it’s out there, surely there is an available niche for it to fill. Social constructs are individual, and whilst I may not identify with their stereotype completely, I certainly won’t suggest we take what rightfully belongs to everyone; autonomy.

I Hate Everything About My Ways

2010-03-26T19:08:00.000+11:00

[ but you tell me I'm okay.]

Today has been interesting.

Honestly.

I walked a lot.

I had fun though.

I won't go through details,

I think I took enough photos to make a timeline.

But I have ended up at McMahon's Point

(Thankyou thankyou thankyou Marissa)

To chill and kick back.

I got to ride a ferry.

I got to see Steph and meet Liz

I got to walk off some excess fat - we hope.

I got to play in the water-wall at Darling Harbour

That,

Made me very very happy.

I'm going to try and convince Sean that we should go again tomorrow

I love it.

Things are different.

I don't like it.

But you don't always get what you want.

I don't wanna give you up

But I just might

This

Time.

Got To Have Them

2010-03-25T11:11:00.000+11:00

So last night I had two dreams

Which I actually remembered.
Now....

This never happens.

So I shall write them.

Anyway.

First one

I left my car parked somewhere in Box Hill

Came back and all the doors were unlocked

And I was like,

Okay.

It's been broken into.

Crap.

Looked inside,

Turns out the only thing they took was the hard drive from my laptop

Which is really inconvenient because that's probably the only thing I really can't replace.

They'd also neatened up my glove box,

Putting one of those little cable ties on my GPS charger

Instead of stealing it.

But..

They took the black plastic thing on the back of the car

I don't know what it's called

But the random 'ornamental' thing on the boot.

No it's not a spoiler or a bumper, before you ask.

Anyway.

That sucked.

Next thing, I was in Sydney

With Steph

And we had to walk across a really narrow long bridge suspended over a river

So we could get to the train station.

Now this bridge had no railing or anything and was really kinda scary

And I was walking really slowly across it

Laptop bag over my shoulder so I had to be careful not to fall into the water

Which apparently Steph didn't worry about

Because she was like "OH WELL"
And jumped off into the river

Before appearing behind me again so as to attempt the crossing again

Much like a video game.

She jumped once more

Before we both eventually got across

And were at the train station.

Apparently we had to go to the airport via "Rainbow"

Which I'm not convinced is a place

But I wasn't going to get there on time

Suddenly we were at the airport

Yay, convenience

And I was about to check in

When a Virgin Blue lady was holding some stick which looked like a torch

And I was like "OOH I WANT ONE"
And she goes "Would you like one?"
And I'm like "CAN I?"
And she's like "No, not you, I was talking to him.."

And motions to a colleague of hers, behind me.

Fail.

Anyway that was about it.

Dreams, yay.

In other news I'm toodling up to Sydney again today

Which I'm a little scared about.

Bring

the

vodka.

TRS - Let You Go

2010-03-22T12:42:00.002+11:00

I didn't know
Somebody surprised me, alarm, alarmed
Somebody has made it this far, this far

I don't wanna let you go
I don't wanna let you go
You know it's so, it's so hard
I don't wanna let you go
(Somebody has waited)
I don't wanna let you go
It's gone too far, too far

And if somebody tells you
You're not enough
If somebody tells you
You're not good enough
If somebody tells you this,
It isn't just
Just, I'm burning out
And I'm calling all the bluffs

I don't wanna let you go
But the weather changes like your mind
And I don't wanna give you up
But I just might this time
Hope the new grass you seek
Is greener than the greenest green
And if it's not, or if it is
I just hope you'll be
At peace

At least
At least
Goodbye

So go ahead
Compare the petty issues
To all the awesome days
Somebody has waited
Too long to still wait

I don't wanna let you go
I don't wanna let you go
You know it's so, it's so hard
I don't wanna let you go
(Somebody has waited)
I don't wanna let you go
It's gone too far, too far

And if somebody tells you
You're not enough
If somebody tells you
You're not good enough
If somebody tells you this,
It isn't just
Just, I'm burning out
And I'm calling all the bluffs

I don't wanna let you go
But the weather changes like your mind
And I don't wanna give you up
But I just might this time
Hope the new grass you seek
Is greener than the greenest green
And if it's not, or if it is
I just hope you'll be
Oh

There's a beautiful ending
But you're never gonna read the book
No you won't
I know you won't
There's a magical ending
But you're never gonna read the book
No you won't
I know you won't

I don't wanna let you go
But the weather changes like your mind
And I don't wanna give you up
But I just might this time
Hope the new grass you seek
Is greener than the greenest green
And if it's not, or if it is
I just hope you'll be
At peace

So walk away
I know it hurts
Don't be afraid
And know your worth
Just walk away
I
know
it
hurts.

x

Encore

2010-03-21T15:17:00.000+11:00

I can feel it
The numbness
It's slowly crawling over each sense.

I can't taste
I can't smell
I can't hear
I can't feel
Not like I could.

Just last night
I was unimpressed by sticky-date pudding.
What.
There is only one thing I can smell properly
It's intoxicating
And has the tendency to lull me into a false sense of security
As it struggles to keep me warm at night.

The only thing not yet noticably tarnished is sight
But we all know that wasn't great to begin with
And I really don't want it to get worse.

I also seem to be shedding weight
Not drastically..
But a few kilos in a couple of weeks is not completely normal
Especially when I haven't changed habits much.
I think it's a good thing
Everyone else seems to disagree.
I don't really care so much

I had a weird dream that I was going to blog about
But it seems to have slipped my mind
Which is inconvenient
I haven't dreamt much lately.

Ouch.
Gut pain.

Cold.
My inner fire is burning out.

Throw
me
a
log.

x

Omega

2010-03-19T09:25:00.000+11:00

Two months ago
It was Tuesday
The 19th
And we were in Sydney.

Imprinted.

x

Phoenix

2010-03-18T18:09:00.000+11:00

I am capable of love.
I am capable of being loved.

If nothing else,
I'm glad I have cemented that belief.

Rockabye.

x

Cruella De Ville

2010-03-17T01:31:00.000+11:00

Memo To Myself:

I NEED TO BLOG AGAIN.

But not now.

It is 1.30am

And I am tired.

My eyes hurt

And I should sleep.

Hold

tight.

The Letter

2010-03-13T18:21:00.000+11:00

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Turning in circles
Confusion is nothing new

Flashback to warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories
Time after...

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you've said
And you say 'go slow'
I fall behind...
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

After your picture fades
And darkness has turned to grey
Watching through windows
I'm wondering if you're OK
And you said 'go slow'
I fall behind...
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

Time after time
Time after time

Time

after

time.

Two

2010-03-13T11:05:00.000+11:00

I was wrong!
Two people read my blog,

Not one.

See, it's worth it.
Two.
It's still worth it.

Now.

Story from yesterday.

It's wonderful.

I shall post Stace/Des's version too.

But this one includes all three of us.

Pink is Des

Black is me

Grey is Stace.

Once upon a time, there was a princess. Her name was....

Consuela Bananahammock, and she had blonde hair with pink ribbons in it. She lived at the top of a giant...

lighthouse that had no lights because She was a child and not allowed to play with hot things! Her favorite song was...

GAMMA RAY BY BECK & she tried to learn it on her acoustic guitar but got disheartened cause she sucked so bad. so she...

..took up the triangle because it was much easier and her father approved of such an instrument. He also..

loved his other daughter much more because her name wasn't consuela. This made her so mad (Consuela) that she got revenge by...

locking her normally-named sister in a cupboard under the stairs and claiming to her parents that in fact she had gone to a...

scrapbooking retreat to learn how to collage all of their cherished memories. Her parents didn't believe her so they...

..searched the house until they found their other child, who now wanted to go to the Scrapbooking retreat, but can't because..

there really was no scrapbooking retreat. So Consuela told her other sibling what really happened & showed her where the...

scrapbook supplies were kept so they ended up having their own scrapbook retreat & it was awesome! They made a whole lot of..

collages of the missing siblings pictures because they forgot about her. She was downstairs digging to get out, but she ended up

digging all the way to China and ate some Singapore noodles which were tasty. She took photos there too so she could scrapbook

but then got caught up in some hardcore noodle smuggling & was arrested by the Chinese government. By this time, Consuela had...

finished scrapbooking and found the giant hole her sister had toodled into... so she went armed with a rotary cutter & saved..

her normal named sister, Connie, from her cellmate, Who was about to steal her identity as she was being bailed out of prison by

her deranged second cousin Phyllis. Conveniently, Consuela got there in time to save her sister and bail her out so they could

be the guest speakers @ the worlds largest scrapbook convention! Just as they were getting ready to toodle on, Phyllis said.....

"I'LL SCRAPBOOK YOU GOOD" and started hurling all manner of decorated collage albums at the sisters. Conveniently, a bystander

who was also a judge, said "Phyllis! I don't mean to butt away, but this must stop!" and right then & there sentenced her to....

six months of noodly community service in which she had to clean up noodles that were left on the street. The sisters spoke ..

at the scrapbook convention, where Phyllis also spoke, using noodles & macaroni to make frames. Meanwhile, at the lighthouse....

the parents of the three missing girls were having a great time scrapbooking all their ye olde memories, until they realised..

that they hadn't seen the kids in a while. "Honey" said Mr. B, "do you know where the kids are?" "no" mrs. B replied, "we should

text them & tell them dinner will be ready soon." so in China, Consuela's phone went off & she realised they should go home..

so they googled directions & google said "take a canoe 1267495 miles" which was impossible, bc they didn't have one, so they....

went back through the giant hole they dug and got back very late and dirty for dinner. YAY THE END!

That
is
all.

x
P.S. I love double meanings. XD

Kind Of Busy

2010-03-13T02:45:00.000+11:00

I guess I have been
A little.
Okay, not so much that I have a valid reason for ignoring my blog
But it seems only one person really cares that it hasn't been updated
So one could argue that I may as well not bother
But no, it's worth it.

Where to begin?
I have no idea what my last post even was
But I have a feeling it was song lyrics.
Hard to say why.
But songs have been quite important to me lately.
For a few reasons I guess
They usually remind me of something
Someone, or a feeling even.
Perhaps to my detriment
I now have a playlist on my iPod
Of songs that will deteriorate my mood
And allow me to be as upset as I feel I should be.
I suppose I've always had songs that would do so
But now they are collected and easily accessible.

Am I only making it worse?
I suppose one could say that I am doing this to myself
And that it is unconstructive and just plain stupid
But I would counter that I usually feel better after a low
So in the end I'm making it better.
Hard to say whether that's a valid reason
But it'll do for now.

The days seem to flash past
Which at this point isn't really bad
I'm waiting, hoping
For a day which will soon be here
So I don't mind the quick disappearance of each day
Nearly as much as I would
If I maintained my theory
That I was wasting my life
And each day disappearing
Simply signified another day I no longer have
Where I accomplished nothing.
This is very year 11 of me,
Except that was just with Friday's.
Scheme against time
I still think we should.

The days are filled with stress
The nights are filled with thoughts
And I simply cannot wait
For this whole ridiculous matter to unfold and sort itself out.
At least one resolution was reached today
That is a welcome weight lifted from my chest.

Today was actually good
Not that other recent days have not been
But this one was especially.
Time with friends certainly helped
And a hilarious story co-written with Stace and Des was enough to make the workday amusing.
I'll post it tomorrow,
When I can be bothered getting it off my USB.

Time is not on my side
It's approaching 3am
And thus
I have work in nine hours.
Slumber calls.

You know what else today is?
Yeah.
I'll talk about it in the morning...
It still feels like yesterday.

Goodnight,
Sleep
Tight.

x

Groundhog

2010-03-04T19:27:00.000+11:00

Tonight
I would love
To crawl
Into a hole
And die.

Don't
Leave
Me.
x

When They Know, You'll Know, You Know?

2010-02-18T03:16:00.001+11:00

This song has been on repeat in my mind since yesterday.

It's a wonderful song

And it makes me very happy

Most of the time

So I thought I would share it with you all.

Introducing

Train

With their song

Hey, Soul Sister.

Hey, hey, hey...

Your lipstick stains

On the front lobe of my left side brain
I knew I wouldn't forget you

And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister
Ain't that Mr Mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister

I don't want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

Hey, hey, hey...

Just in time

I´m so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection we can't deny
I'm so obsessed

My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you

Like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna want to blow your mind

Hey soul sister
Ain't that Mr Mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister I don't want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

The way you can cut a rug
Watching you's the only drug I need
So gangsta, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of

You see
I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be

With me

Hey soul sister
Ain't that Mr Mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight

Hey soul sister I don't want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

Hey, hey, hey

Tonight

Hey, hey, hey

Tonight

Take That

2010-02-15T15:08:00.003+11:00

I spend my life
Trying to do things right
But all I do is fall to my face with my hands on my head so many times
But then I learnt, after being burnt
To get back up, push straight on, stop the tears,
People move on

Well it's alright to be myself
Now I've learned to stand
Well its OK to be just who I am
I've spent years really hating me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand,
This is who I am

Now when life gets tough
I'm quick to hurry up
I run all day
I run through the night
I'll break down walls, I'll hit up high
I don't care if I'm fat,
Or if you think my clothes are bad
I can go to sleep at night
I'm a good person and I'll get by

Well it's alright to be myself,
Now I've learned to stand
Well its OK to be just who I am
I've spent years really hating me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand,
This is who I am

I need someone, someone someone, someone like me
You deserve, deserve, deserve to be free
Because your world keeps spinning
And you're trapped in it

Well it's alright to be myself,
Now I've learned to stand
Well its OK to be just who I am
I've spent years really hating me
Longing to be friends
Now I hope that you can understand,
This is who I am

Hallmark

2010-02-15T09:45:00.001+11:00

For a day so filled with flowers and hearts and chocolate
I certainly didn't see many of those things
Instead I had the much less commercial company
Of Rach and Stace
As we dined and drove.
And then of course Rachel's amazingly awesome present
Was a pretty perfect end to the day.

Tomorrow it seems I am jetting off to Perth
At this very point in time I am less than excited
I'm sure it will be great
But today it means little more than a very early morning.

I shall try and stay on top of my PJ365 blog
And knowing me I'll be taking photos every five seconds so that will hardly be difficult.

My ears don't hurt today
Why would they, you ask?
They are now twice as metal-filled as they were 24 hours ago
And on top of that, there is a meaning behind it too
I like it when that happens.

I'll
Find
It.

x

Psycho Killer

2010-02-15T09:34:00.000+11:00

I shouldn't care
What's past is past
So why the fuck does it make me feel so
Angry
Jealous

It's not like I have anything to be jealous about
But on the same token
It's always been like this
Many long months
Of
"Good for you"
While wishing it was me
Clearly another indication that I waited too long
And maybe I should have listened to my heart earlier
Not that it matters now
What's done is done

Need I get over it?

Most
Probably.

x

Tubthumping

2010-02-07T15:25:00.000+11:00

It seems I am falling behind a little with my PJ365

I have about a week to catch up on..
Whoops.
I have all the photos
Just have not had the time to upload them yet

At least it's being appreciated though
A couple of people have asked me about it
Which is kind of exciting

On another note
I think Twitter is broken
The other day I somehow went from 3400 Tweets
To 10200.
Yes.
Because I totally did that in one day.
6800 Tweets.
I'm also pretty sure I had a dream about my 212th Tweet
Which happened long ago.
But whatever.
I have been having strange dreams
Like the one last night about the duck
Which was partially lobster and I was trying to peel the shell off.
Sorry duck.
It was a talking duck, even.

Maybe I should shave tonight.
Or perhaps tomorrow when I can be bothered.

I also have a bookshelf to paint.
And a DVD to edit.
Damn.

Many things to do.
Like right now
I should be working
Well..
Not really.
They haven't paid me in weeks
And there are no customers.
So yeah no.

You know what's nice
The sunset.
Much more convenient to see than the sunrise
Although by the same token not quite as special
But still beautiful.
Yesterday I actually watched it
And it was kind of awesome.
The view I think made it even better
Down at Rosebud with Rachel's extended family
Who have pretty much decided I'm part of their family
Contrary to popular belief.

Seems I have a lot to say today
Although that's not unusual
The only odd part is that I'm writing it all down.
Seemingly now only to..
Hear the sound of my own voice?
No.
Same principle, different medium.

Oh look
One more thing
Driving home this morning was superfun
Due to loud music
An open window
Perfect weather
And exciting songs
Props to Owl City
The Rocket Summer
Gorillaz
Avril (yes, I know.)
and then some.
I should do it more often.

Damn right.

Got
Back
Up
Again.

x

Sugar Tarts

2010-02-06T10:41:00.000+11:00

Maybe it's because I'm sick
But my whole body is messed up at the moment
Not reacting to anything the way I think
Instead becoming more sick
And less interested.

Emotions are no different
Spiking very quickly
Over something small
Yet this time I can contain them
So it's getting there.

Time to take a trip.
A few today actually.
But this one is to bring back some family
They've been in America
And are due back at the airport in awhile.
So I must toodle over to get them!

So
Long
Everybody.
(toodleoo)

x

Drummer Jokes

2010-02-04T14:17:00.000+11:00

This is ridiculous.
There is definitely something wrong with me.
Who knows what
But I haven't eaten all day
Apart from a couple of mouthfuls of less-than-Fantastic Noodles
And everything just makes me want to cry.
What?

At least I managed to get rid of the panic from the other day
But seriously
What is going on?!

Perhaps I should fix it.

Um..
er..
mouth.

x

Fab Feb

2010-02-03T12:32:00.003+11:00

I have to tread carefully
But everything is well.There was a patch of very thin ice

But seemingly
It has all fallen nicely into place.

It's a nice feeling.
Loose ends are being tied
Rachel, Stace and I went to the house yesterday
So everything there is as it should be.
Friendships remain as they should be
And I still feel good about it.
The only thing not so great is my bank account.
I am owed about $2700 from a couple of different sources
One of which is work
Their lack of attention in paying my salary is disconcerting
And further reduces my motivation to actually do any work
I suppose now at least I have an excuse for doing nothing.

Also just now I seemed to be reliving a certain panic feeling which I so loathe
It hasn't happened for weeks
And it has no reason to reappear.
It was momentary, however
And hopefully a once-off.

I think I just have to reassure myself.
I have (something non-descript like) 22 days
To prepare for uni
And sort out things at home like my bookshelf
And the Valedictory DVD.
Hopefully these things will keep me busy.

I'm sure they will.
I also need a Firewire cable
I learned the other day that in order to use iMovie
One needs Firewire.
My camera has it
I just don't have the cable.
Oh well.

Twenty two days.
Bring it on,
I can't wait.

Rock
Your
World.

x

On The Verge

2010-01-29T11:30:00.000+11:00

It's been a little over a week since my last blog

For the most part it's been much of the same

Which is certainly not a bad thing.

Driving all over the countryside

Sydney, Melbourne, Phillip Island

Friends, family, food, tennis

Spiders, one after the other

But also

Amazing feelings

One after the other

Unfortunately this week yielded some unsatisfactory outcomes

And to those in pain

My thoughts are with you.

Apologies also

Because I do not wish to dwell

But to focus on all the things that made me happy.

I've said this already

And I'll say it again

I have never felt so loved

By so many people.

Expressions of love

So beautiful

So captivating

Certainly moments I'll treasure.

It seemed to go so fast

But every moment was worth it.

Every word

Every touch

Every breath.

Smiles

Laughter

Tears

Embrace.

Farewell

But not forgotten.

Not by a long shot.

Love

You.

Bombs Away

2010-01-20T16:47:00.000+11:00

Not gonna lie.
This has been
The best week
~~Of the year~~
Of my life.

If my heart was a compass
You'd be North

I have officially been
On the rollercoaster downhill
For seven days.

I would not trade this for the world.
Everything is so easy
So amazing
So balanced
So well fitting.

When you and I are alone
I've never felt so at home

Where to from here?
Hard to say
But I know
I am happy.

I
Love
You.

x

Shudder

2010-01-12T01:54:00.000+11:00

That's what you get

For waking up in Vegas.

I am tired

Not tired enough to fall straight asleep though

Here's a fun story.

Today we trekked through the 41 degree heat

To the city

To Melbourne Central

We had a lovely fun shopping expedition

I bought a wicked calendar

Featuring wolves.

Then we left

And went swimming.

Very un-detailed, I know

But as I said

I am tired.

I hear snoring

This is why I sleep with the door closed.

But tonight I cannot

It is presently 32 degrees

Apparently, anyway.

And yes, it is nearly 2am.

Yuck.

Speaking of which

It is nearly 2.12

(well, in almost half an hour)

After that,

It will only be three 2:12's..

Very exciting.

Yawns

They are coming.

Perhaps I should make with the sleeping.

Or try, at least.

Pocketful

Sunshine.

47FZKY

2010-01-04T17:32:00.000+11:00

Not gonna lie

This needs to be said.

I am in love.

Or so I believe

The reason I think so?
I have never

ever

felt this way.

Not once.

It drives me insane

Yet it feels worthwhile.

It makes me so upset

Yet so happy.

It is such a rollercoaster

One hell of a ride

At the moment

It's on a boring up-hill

I'm just waiting

For the next

Wicked downward spiral

Quick corners

And a reason to cheer.

It's coming.

I know it is.

I just have to be patient

And hope that it works

The way I want it to.

I do think it's weird

How generally speaking

A 'downhill' is bad

But on a rollercoaster

It's the best part.

I need some more

Rollercoaster downhills.

I guess that means

More real up-hills

But on the same token

Going up hill is harder.

Does any of this make sense?

Aha, the irony.

None of it does.

None of these feelings.

None of my musings.

Do I care?

No.

Why?

Because

Love.

A New Project

2009-12-25T21:50:00.000+11:00

Christmas
A time of love
Joy
Family.
It was a wonderful day
And I did love so very much to see the family
Tomorrow will bring even more family
The Alley's Boxing Day celebration is always a highlight
Work will suck
And I will have to get someone else
To buy my Boxing Day Globes for me
But I look forward to it.

Something else, though.
This is the start
Of something.
Just a couple of things.
Here they are.

So begins

A new age

And so begins
Project 365

http://projectwolf365.blogspot.com

Check it out

I'll do my best to maintain both blogs
This one to contain my thoughts and insanity

The other to commemorate this twentieth year.

Cold
Hot
Air
Balloon.

x

(P.S. iloveyou,toomuch.)

Nineteen

2009-12-24T12:19:00.003+11:00

Go
Go
Go!

Make it good,
Make it count

I'm on the way

It began with love and birthday wishes

From those closest to me

Made me very happy

To return the love.

Project 365
BEGINS
TODAY.

Details later.
I haven't decided on a website to post them on.
Maybe this one
Maybe not.
I shall decide.
And it will be epic.

Off to a good start?

I
Think
So.

x

Bear in the Big Blue House

2009-12-23T12:03:00.000+11:00

Today is my last day of being 18.
It's been a good year, and I wanted to finish it off with something cool,
But I'm working most of the day
And was disappointed that I wouldn't get the chance.
I was on my bed this morning when I heard rain outside
(it's meant to be really hot today)
So I ran out in my underwear and played in it for about 5 minutes.
Successful last day of 18?

I think so.

MLIA.

x

Hello Seattle

2009-12-22T09:26:00.003+11:00

I remember this feeling.
Brings me back
To year 11.

I couldn't explain it then
Nor can I now.
It is not exactly comfortable
Yet not painful
But it tugs at my insides
Twisting them up something chronic.
It keeps me awake
Keeps me on edge.

I'm surprised it took me until today
To remember
That I'd known it before

It's strange
Because whilst the feeling may be known
The circumstances are not
And one would assume
That they would go hand in hand
As they did last time.
Apparently not,
Although there is one similarity.
A common factor
Which may or may not
Be distracting
Stealing
Draining
Destroying.

It should not
It is meant to be good
It should be good

Apparently my heartache missed that memo
And has set in for a battle
A screaming match
But who will lose their voice
Before the other?

"Beautiful.
Ugly.
Fuck you.
Fuck you."

This is not productive.
The day is crawling along.
An entire day of freaking out
Minus eight hours of sleeping
Is hardly desirable.
Suck it up
Suck it up.

Everybody wants to be a cat.

It is nearly my birthday
I am not excited.
I am worried.
Nothing is as it seems.
This whole year, in fact
Has been a labyrinth.

Just a few abnormalities
Seemingly unimportant
But strange nonetheless.
For example.
A winter roadtrip was surprisingly warm.
Summer mornings are freezing.
Nobody seems to be making the effort for Christmas.
My birthday is merely the chance to flip the P plates
And I'm tearing myself up over something I already have.

You know what?

Fuck
this.

x

Just So Predictable

2009-12-19T13:53:00.003+11:00

[You're damn right we will.
We are the best ones.
That is all.]

Chapter One; it started like all the rest.
Chapter Two; it made me angry.
Chapter Three; an extended normality.
Chapter Four; things got interesting, there was contact, things were good.
Chapter Five; pear-shaped, anger, drunken attempts to feel better.
Chapter Six; plans made, hopes up, but it is only a temporary solution.

The rest is still unwritten.

I'm optimistic about it though
Without being totally dependent
On it working out.

So I think that's okay.
I think I'm okay.

I
Think
I
Am.

x

Everywhere

2009-12-13T01:19:00.002+11:00

Why, oh why
The woodpecker cries

I don't know why he does
And I don't know what possessed me
To begin my post with such a line

I have just written a letter.
For the first time in awhile

Not even typed,
No
It is hand-written.

It amuses me how something as simple as a letter
Can be so entertaining
And exciting.

Especially when you're on the receiving end.
(That's what she said?)

I'm feeling strange, today.
Well, it started yesterday technically
Since it is now 1.22am

And it was caused by a comment
About one having their "share"
Of, well, in this case experiences

And all of a sudden
Thanks to those few innocent words
I felt incomplete
And inadequate.

It caused a re-evaluation of my being
Just a small one
But large enough to bring me down
To a state of dissatisfaction.

I feel left behind.
I feel inferior.
I feel like I've wasted
So much time.
So many chances.

What would it have been like
If I'd known before
What I know now

What would it have been like
If I'd met these people earlier in life

If I'd been born elsewhere.
If I'd been relocated.
If I'd made a past decision
That changed my future
Which is now my present.

Weird.

Oh, this song
Reminds me of GTA:III
And the Lexus
Oh man,
Those were the days.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
"Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down."

I know it is absolutely pointless
But I do sometimes wish
That I could go back.

And instead of sitting here
Wallowing in what was
I should be making the most of today
Am I?
Not really.
I seem to be failing
Even though I know
What I need to do.

Well,
That isn't exactly true.
I know the superordinate concept
I just need to work out
The subordinate details.

Therein lies the hard part.

Why waste my emotion?
It'll end up the same.

Down
To
One
Last
Breath.

x

Canines On The Run

2009-12-08T22:01:00.003+11:00

I received news today
That the lovely people at Garden-Planters.com
Featured my blog on their site.

On the same token I would like to dedicate this post to them
And I very much appreciate it
Despite my blog not being garden related
Whatsoever.

<<< http://garden-planters.com/ Garden Fountains >>>

Thank
you
:)

x

Bob Dylan

2009-12-03T19:53:00.003+11:00

It's one of the things I hate most.
Anyone who really knows me will know,
I cannot stand change.
I would far prefer everything to stay the same.
I don't want to readjust.
I don't want to relearn.
No, no, no.

The inconvenient thing about this,
Is that I don't really have a choice.
None of us do.
Unless we are Amish.
In which case there may not be so many changes.
Perhaps.
I don't really know.

Some people might argue and say
"If things don't change, things won't get better"
Well, why are they bad to begin with?
Because they changed, to become bad.
That is mostly what happens, or so I understand.

For some reason
Something this morning possessed me
To snoop through my old files
Old conversations
Old musings
Old thoughts.

I think it was when I found something on a Floppy disc
From grade 6
And it was Thursday 5/12/02
Which would be the equivalent of today
Being Thursday.
I was taken aback, almost.

It only continued from there
And got worse
But that was my own fault.

I'm locked in tight
I'm out of range
I used to care

But
Things
Have
Changed.

x

P.S. 100th.

30 Days Hath September

2009-11-24T09:49:00.002+11:00

30 days also hath my age
Before it is left behind as another year
Of memories
Sucesses
Failures
Triumphs
Disappointments
Change.

I'm going to do a Daniel,
And make a list.
Not here though.
It's one I'll keep to myself.

I have thirty days
There are still some things I haven't done
Stupid, immature 18 year old things
That everybody does.
But that's okay.
I have thirty days
Until I get my green P's
Hello, legal passengers.
If we still had the Peugeot
I'd gather 7 people and drive them around
Just because I could.
Dammit.
Who has a people mover they'd like to lend me?

Hit
The
Road.

x

It's Been...

2009-11-19T17:49:00.003+11:00

Well no.
It hasn't really been anything.
It is, instead.
It is, today, 5 weeks until my birthday
And 5 days until my "birthday"
Which I actually think is kinda cool.

Feeling lazy.
Inconvenient, since I signed up for a gym yesterday
I'm sure I won't keep that up for long.
We'll see, I guess.

It's unfortunate when things go so quickly.
Especially when you don't make the most of them.
It leaves you with a kind of wondering
What more could have been done?
Where would that have lead me?

But they are all quite pointless questions to ask,
Which is fine.
Leaves me room to think about other things.
However those other things seem pointless still,
Thoughts like
"I don't want to be old, Jordan
No one will like me!"
Who the hell thinks about that at 18?!

Hard to say.
Also,
I've decided I take movies and TV far too seriously.
NCIS
Skins
Twilight.
To name a few.
Sad, I know
BUT I WISH THEY WERE REAL.

I think
I should live in TV.
I would be better.
OH.
So much.
Although I'm not sure if you can even do that.
I should write to it.

"Dear TeeVee.
Can I live in you?
Pretty please?
♥ Wolfie."

I can see it now.
Regardless of my wish to live in TV,
I don't think it will happen.
Which is unfortunate!
Although, as it was pointed out
They'd play reruns of me
And people would get bored
And then I'd be demoted to late-night Foxtel.

I'm trying to think of a clever way to finish this.
I've pretty much said all I can say..
Without of course going into the events of the past days
Which have been mostly good
With only minor exceptions.
Again, I'm not being very specific.
Which defeats the purpose.
But I can't be.
I can't just blurt out whatever I want.
Well I could..
It is physically possible.
But potentially disastrous.

Moving on.
I actually have to finish this.

This is my life
Under
Pressure.

x

2 + 2 is .... 66?!

2009-11-10T10:11:00.003+11:00

Well,
no.
In short, 2+2 is not 66.
Nor is it 44
But that is how long until my birthday
44 days.
Which isn't long, really.
It worries me just a little.
But it'll be fine, I'm sure.

So yesterday,
I finished my last exam.
Which was weird
Because my final year 12 exam last year
Was on the same day
Well..
The Monday following Cup Day
Not the actual date
But it was funny
And made me smile a little.

So tomorrow,
Rachel's parents are back.
There is a hole in their roof.
That's going to be a little awkward.
On the plus side,
MAV is fixed today.
Which is more than I can say for my car
As it is still whining rather loudly
And I'm sure it will continue to do so
Until I get it fixed.
Again.
I'm tired of it complaining.
I'm tired in general..

I shouldn't complain
It's hardly going to make people want to read this
Which I suppose is what I would like
Despite my prior posts suggesting otherwise
Same as my Twitter account I guess
But I should realise it isn't really going to happen
Which is to be expected

I think I'm rambling again
But I like it when that happens
I can just sit in this lull for awhile
Almost a 'flow'-like state
Stupid Csikszentmihalyi.
I swear I'll never forget that now.
ARI HASWARI.
UGH.

The next week is going to be fantastic.
I've got only my normal work hours
No uni
No exams
Nothing.
Nothing!
I do need to change the oil in the car though.
Again.
Excellent.

Oh,
Summer
Days.

x

One, Two, Three

2009-11-04T23:16:00.003+11:00

I have to put this out there.
Even though Rachel,
You will probably be the only one to read it

BRITNEY'S NEW SONG
IS SO BLATANTLY
ABOUT THREESOMES
AND NO ONE SEEMS TO NOTICE
HOW
IS IT POSSIBLE
FOR SUCH A SONG
TO PLAY ON OUR AIRWAVES
STUPID SLUT OF A WOMAN.

That is all.
I think.

Is
That
All
There
Is?

x

Delta

2009-11-02T10:52:00.003+11:00

Holy shit.
It is really quite scary to think
That a year ago today
I was about to start an exam
Further or biology
I can't remember.
Really?
No.
It can't be.
But it is.

I am honestly struggling with that concept just a little bit.
Twelve months later
And a lot has changed
More than I could have imagined
Had I thought about it last year
But I guess

These
Things
Happen.

x

Daria

2009-11-01T23:00:00.003+11:00

On another note.
It's November.
What the actual fuck?
Exams...work...holidays.
That is all that remains of this year, effectively.
Pretty much all I can say is

So
long
everybody.
Toodleoo!

x

One Way

2009-11-01T22:39:00.005+11:00

Or another
I'm gonna get ya.

You contradictory bastard.
How dare you
Guilt trip me with your feelings
Then kick me to the kerb.
No,
I don't want to come back
But I'm taking back what's mine.

Magma

2009-10-28T09:53:00.003+11:00

Where to begin?
I was going to blog yesterday
But my iPod didn't like this text box.
Speaking of yesterday
It was great.
Much driving, nearly 500km.
Friends.
Family.
Ink.
Dip.
etc.

However
Today is not continuing that trend at all.
From the "So long everybody." "Toodleoo!"
At 6.40am
To the angry car which sounds like a VN
(which is bad...)
To the stupid freeway traffic
To the 9.15 arrival at work
It has been a let down.
Why?

Today is the fifth consecutive day I've had this headache.
Yes, the same one.
My throat is sore again.
My glands are swollen.
My neck and shoulders are aching.
Whilst MAV is presently gleaming
And well-behaved
My car looks like shit
And sounds like a VN
Charming.

Conveniently
I can afford another couple of lazy days
Before exams
Because.. put simply
I can't be fucked.
I need rest.
I need to recover.
So that is what I'll do.
I'm debating whether to treat myself to something
But I think I'll wait until after exams.
A new LCD for my stupid computer
Oh,
The N97
That will do nicely.
Until then.
Suck it up,
princess.

Take
what
you
take.

x

Beautiful Dawn

2009-10-14T10:00:00.005+11:00

Okay so let me begin by saying,
I have been in a spectacular mood since yesterday.
I have my reasons,
And I'm quite happy to have them.
(on a similar note, I had toast this morning)
But I heard something just now that made me very nervous..
I'm sure it won't be,
But it has the potential to be detrimental.
And if it is,
That won't put me in a very good light.

I'm trying to think positively about it,
But it's calling into question what I'm going to do about the whole thing.
I already had some questions to answer last night
Which was not at all to my liking.
Having said that
I have a fairly simple solution
If the issue presents itself once again.
I have a car
I have money
I have alternative accommodation
I'll just leave.
I'm sure it won't come to that
But I'm happy to threaten
And act upon that threat.

"I don't know if it's right, I'm tossing and turning.."

I'm not a bad person.
People try to tell me how good I am on a very regular basis.
And this time
I'm starting to believe it.
But I don't think it will sink in
Unless
This works out

And
makes
me
happy.

x

P.S. I realise this would make very little sense to anyone who doesn't know what is going on.
Too bad, if that's you.

Hello, Toast

2009-10-13T18:50:00.002+11:00

Don't ask why it's toast
There is a reason,
I guess.
Also I have to have toast tomorrow morning for breakfast.
Because I was told to.
And yes, I'm happy to oblige.

I have a good feeling about this.
But at the same time
I want to keep that good feeling
Which is the part that normally doesn't happen.
And I don't know if this is just to make myself feel better about it or not
But there are a few things that are different this time.
So I really do hope
That those differences will help.

Because at the moment
I am so happy for me.
And that is what is important.

That
is
what
I
love.

x

Are You Sleeping

2009-10-08T23:27:00.002+11:00

I can't sleep, no
Not like I used to.
It lingers over me like a cloud.
Thick with inference and reason.
It surrounds me
Crawling from each corner
Of my mind
My space.
Invading.
Let
me
go.

x

E-male

2009-09-29T10:29:00.002+10:00

Sure,
I love the internet.
But there are some things about it that piss me off no end.
To a lesser extent (thanks to avast! and Spybot)
Viruses, spyware, malware, adware...all the other shit
That tries to infiltrate my Dull with it's phony promises and fishy..other things.
Social networking;
I've made so many friends online
Through chatrooms, forums, etc..
And a number of them, I've met in person
And they are great people.
But there are a great number more
Who I have not
And probably will not
Ever meet.
And sometimes that is okay.
But most of the time
I wish I could.
And it is made even worse when some of these people decide to up and leave.
I could give a list.
But I won't.
It'll make it worse.

I wish I was clever,
But instead I'm sitting here in my underwear listening to Rhianna who I dislike very much.
I
Wish
I
Was
Clever.

x

Nathanson

2009-09-27T00:17:00.003+10:00

What happened to the little paperclip in Word that used to tell you how to do things?
What happened to carefree childhood?
What happened to caring for yourself along with others?
What happened to family bonding?
What happened to routine school weeks?

What
happened
to
bulletproof
weeks?

x

WHY YOU SHOULD

2009-09-24T14:03:00.004+10:00

In trying to begin my latest essay
I find myself asking,
Why do I blog?
The essay is about communications technology,
And after a very strange (and slightly out-loud) thought pattern
I decided to write about blogging.

Basically, the article I am reading talks about reality, and symbols.
It gives the example of a house.
Let me introduce you to Ben and Vanessa.
They are building a house at 123 Fake Street.
They are over at their friend James' house for coffee
James asks to see the house.
Ben pulls out a copy of the blueprints for the house.
Vanessa pulls out her camera to show off some photos of the construction
(and maybe the burly construction workers, if she or James feel so inclined)
Ben is giving a symbol 'for' reality, whilst Vanessa is giving a symbol 'of' reality.
The reason for this, I won't bother explaining.

Whilst contemplating this, I thought about how people construct their own realities.
I thought about how I construct mine.
One of the many ways, is through this blog.
It portrays my reality, at the time of a particular post.
I write in an effort to try to explain how I am feeling.
Despite the fact that barely anyone reads my blog,
I write so that others can and will see my reality.
I write, to be understood.

In effect, my blog is a symbol of my reality. I think I already said that.
(Clearly, today my reality is braindead-ness, but that is another story entirely)

Downsides to this reality I am portraying;
There are a few.
Firstly, most of the time I blog, I'm not in the best of moods
Hence, the majority of my posts will give a fairly dim picture of my reality,
Which isn't completely accurate.
Secondly, because of the insecure nature of the internet
This blog is easily accessible
(simply by typing my name into Google, it comes up as the first result)
As a result I feel compelled to exclude some aspects of my present reality
So as to avoid negative ramifications
In the case that someone were to read things they need not know.
I suppose, in a way
It's a bit of a sham.
But it's about as close as you'll get to my reality
Unless you actually know me.
And I suppose when it all comes down to it,
I'd rather know people than have them just read my blog.
What
are
friends
for.

x

Under Pressure

2009-09-16T00:36:00.003+10:00

You know what.
Get the fuck outta my head.
Either that,
Or get back into my life.
Two choices.

I say this because
Every time,
I get a fleeting reference to your existence
I end up in the same place
Back to a time when we were better.
But now, I'm watching from afar..
I'm not in the middle of it, like I was almost two years ago.

I suppose,
I
have
to
let
it
go.

x

Boxing The Stars

2009-09-15T12:49:00.002+10:00

Mum is on the phone talking about the creepy Volvo man across the road.
He's a bit of a weirdo.
Anyway.
Things are changing, already.
Little by little.
Yes.
This is a short post.
But I have class.
Suckfail.

x

Dark Blue

2009-09-10T09:28:00.002+10:00

I'm fairly sure I just realised how boring the internet is.
I need to find better things to do..
Like, play The Sims.

I got up early to do a linguistics assignment which I'd completely forgotten about until Aidan reminded me of it last night.
Conveniently, it was super easy (for the most part) and I finished it pretty quick..
So then I thought
"Okay. I'll just randomly traipse the interwebs for awhile..."
But it is so boring.
Mainly because there is no one online to talk to.
And, it's just hit me.
That's all I really use the internet for.
I mean sure it's great for ... other stuff. Like, I dunno. Paying bills?
But I pretty much just use it to talk to people...
People who are currently sleeping or schooling. LAME.
Also I can probably leave soon, so I don't have to be bored much longer.

Lastly, I have another assignment due tomorrow, for education.
Although, I'm quite confident given how well I did on my last one.
Also Karen loves me and will give me a HD just because I am awesome.
(Ahem. I wish.)

OH NO. Not lastly.
Yesterday was 09/09/09
(And I just remembered how I blogged about 08/08/08 just over a year ago, I might re-read that just now)
I managed to get my Twitter count up to 999 updates!
I was so very proud.
Stace texted me at about midnight and was like YOU FAILED and I was like nah. I got it.
I was impressed.
999 at 2359.
Stupidly, I didn't think to screenshot it until 0016, but at least then it said "17 minutes ago"
So I could still tell of my awesomeness.

In other news
(wow, that really was not 'lastly', when I claimed it to be)
the car is counting it's kilometres once again.
Possibly with reluctance,
But if I cannot escape aging, nor can my car.
Aging? Ageing?
Apparently Firefox red-lines the second one.
I'll believe you, browser.

Time for cereal?
To
kick-
start
my
day.

x

N95i

2009-09-06T19:14:00.001+10:00

i.
hate.
you.

Thief of Time

2009-09-03T19:48:00.002+10:00

You know what clock, fuck you.
I'm soon going to need a new Countdown.

I never did read that book.

My words, they don't come out right

2009-09-03T19:41:00.002+10:00

I do not need you to sit and nitpick at every single little thing I do.
Nor do I need you to rally support from the rest of them.
I don't need, or want, any one of you to tell me why you're think I'm wrong.
Take your opinion, and shove it.

Also.
Fuck off Bluetooth.
You do not work that way.
Go and bitch to someone else.

Jack and Sally

2009-09-03T19:33:00.003+10:00

Where are you
And I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep
I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping in
So haunting every time.

iMiss my iPod.
I can has moar Zaakary?
I still have the keys.
And that one, too.
Akimaru and his ten-foot pole.
I know I can't do it all again.
And I hate it.

"I know it's wrong,
but I do it anyway
because it feels right."

Story
of
my
fucking
life.

x

Akimaru

2009-09-01T10:12:00.002+10:00

There is some guy outside my room fixing our gas heater.
It's kinda noisy and distracting, but I suppose it's for the greater good, given we haven't been able to use said heater in a few days.
As a result....it's cold.
Also my stupid laptop bluetooth - which I thought I fixed - is no longer fixed.
What disappointment.
Keeping in theme with fixing, my car was fixed yesterday.
And moreover, we are still trying to fix the Upside Down-ness.
Who knows.
It may take awhile.
But it seems to be getting better.

I feel as though I should be doing something today
I mean, other than the classes which I will be going to later.
Perhaps, I should go and find out
And
Do
It.

x

P.S.
Aki. I miss you.

Temporal Distortion

2009-08-14T19:22:00.002+10:00

I could cry.
I feel a little violated.
Also a little stupid.
I won't make the same mistake again, that is for sure.
I just cannot understand why these things keep happening to me.
I now don't have an iPod, a second phone or a functioning car.
Can anyone say FML?
I might post it on FML actually.

On another note.
TODAY
Is Vickie's birthday, as I previously stated.
I love her very much and I hope her day has been less theft-filled than mine.
I shall see her shortly,
And hopefully we will all have fun :] Stace too.

Lastly.
I love my mother.
I mean, clearly I always did.
But she is letting me use her car.

Thanks
Mum.
<3

x